Breakfast Of Chumps

I worked the breakfast service at a little hotel. Our toaster was a huge roller one where you put bread on top and toast rolls out the bottom. I spotted a guest about to use it and intervened:

Me: “Sir, please stop. You can’t put that muffin in our toaster.”

Guest: “It’s a blueberry breakfast muffin!”

Me: “It’s too big for the toaster. It’s going to touch the heating elements and set the thing on fire.”

He nods in acknowledgement, but he must have just been waiting for me to walk away because as soon as I do he stuffs the blueberry muffin in the toaster anyway, and sets it on fire.

The next morning, the guests were complaining because we only had a regular toaster, but the timing was good as they complained at the same time that Mr. Muffin Fire was walking past, and I explained loud enough for him to hear that the roller toaster is unavailable because a guest had misused it despite being told not to.

We got the toaster repaired for the next week, but it lasted all of a day before a guy put half a fully loaded pizza through it and set it on fire all over again.

Pizza Customer: “It was left over from last night, and I wanted it hot for breakfast!”

As of writing this story, we have got the toaster fixed again, and we’re taking bets on how long before another guest ruins it. Also, this morning someone had to stop a guest from putting through some fully buttered bread with heaps of jam on it, so… probably not long.