You Called The Wrong Number…

(Despite being on the Do Not Call list, my parents have been getting a ridiculous amount of calls from telemarketers/scammers. I happen to be at home one day when another one calls…)

Dad: “Hello?”

(Silence. He presses a couple buttons, then puts the phone back up to his ear.)

Dad: “Yes, you people keep calling me about lowering my interest rate on my credit card. Now, which credit card did you mean?”

(Silence.)

Dad: “Well, I have several. Which one?”

(Silence.)

Dad: “Hold on there. Before I give you my bank account information, I have a few more questions for you first. Will you send me a new credit card?”

(Silence.)

Dad: “Oh, you will. Will it be one of those cards where you put my picture on it?”

(Silence.)

Dad: “Can I have multiple people in the picture? I’ve got a pretty large family. I also have three cars, a dog, a cat, and a bunch of chickens!”

(I snort, realizing he is messing with the scammer. My dad looks over, shushes me, and goes back to the call.)

Dad: “Well, it’s going to be very difficult to get them all into one picture. You know how animals are. The dog will start chasing the cat, then the cat will start chasing the chickens, and then it will be a huge mess!”

(Silence. I am trying my best not to laugh.)

Dad: “No, no, I have more questions for you.”

(Silence.)

Dad: “No, I will not hang up. I still have questions for you. You’re trying to trick people to give you their bank account information so you can take their money. How do you sleep at night?”

(Silence.)

Dad: “There’s no need to use that kind of language.”

(Silence.)

Dad: “No, I will not hang up. I’m not done talking to you. You know what I think? You need to read your Bible. Obviously you need it.”

(Silence.)

Dad: “You know, using swear words like that is a sign of a limited vocabulary.”

(Silence.)

Dad: “No, I will not hang up.”

(He turns on his radio, sets the phone next to it, walks out of his office, and shuts the door. By this time, the entire family is listening at the door.)

Dad: “He’s still yelling. Might as well keep one of their lines tied up. Maybe it’ll prevent someone from getting scammed.”

Me: “I think that was the best thing I’ve ever heard.”