Boys Will Be Boys

, , , , | Related | August 21, 2019

(I love my mother dearly, but she has certain beliefs that can drive me insane. One of these is that fathers cannot possibly be as competent at childcare as mothers. When my husband and I have our first child, Mom becomes convinced that having two fathers means he’s doomed. She’s not homophobic; she would have been perfectly fine with two mothers. She just believes that behind her back we’re dangling the kid above hungry lions or taping him to the wall and throwing knives at him. She definitely believes we can’t be feeding him properly. When our son is two, I’ve just sat him down to lunch when Mom shows up unannounced at our door. I invite her to join us, and she immediately takes a huge bite of my homemade tuna salad. I add things like brown mustard and horseradish, and she makes a disgusted face that turns to horror when she sees a bowl in front of my son.)

Mom: “[My Name], what are you thinking? You can’t feed that to a baby! It’s way too strong; it’ll upset his stomach!”

Me: “Mom, he loves it. He eats it all the time. He even asked me for today. Hey, [Son], do you like Daddy’s tuna?”

Son: “Yeah! Nummy!”

Mom: “I raised five children and I know what I’m talking about! I’ll make him something suitable.” *reaches for my son’s bowl* “Here, sweetheart. Let Grandma get rid of that yucky stuff and make you some oatmeal.”

(Before my Mom could grab the bowl, my son snatched it up and held it against his chest. In the evilest tone I think a toddler is capable of, he hissed at her, “MINE!” My mother quickly left as though she expected his head to start spinning around. My son is ten now and my mother has mellowed out a lot and was far less controlling when our daughter was born. I say, “less,” because she still tries her best. However, she’s never again attempted to take food away from my kids.)

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