Box Of Stolen, Stupid

(I work in a game store around the time a popular family-oriented video game system comes out. We also take trade-ins. I am a floor manager, and am working on a Saturday with two other employees. We have just had one of the new systems traded in. It is broken, so we send it for repairs and have an empty box left over.)

Employee #1: “Oh, my god! I just had a brilliant idea! [My Name], grab the [System] box!”

Employee #2: “What’re you going to do with it?”

Employee #1: “I’m gonna put something heavy in it. Then I’ll leave it by the door and see if anyone takes it!”

(I grab the box as they laugh about the idea.)

Me: “What are we going to put in it?”

Employee #1: “I dunno, something heavy?”

Employee #2: “Ooh! How about a couple water bottles? They’re heavy!”

Me: “Awesome!”

(We take half a dozen water bottles and stuff them into the box. It feels realistically heavy.)

Employee #2: “We should put something else in there. Like, to make fun of the idiot who steals this.”

Me: “Well, I have some [cheese and pretzel snack] leftover from lunch. They are kinda gross. We could put that in, like a ‘reward’ for stealing the box.”

Employee #1: ‘Yeah! Like, ‘Congrats for being a d***! Here’s a gross snack!’ I like it!”

(We stuff the snack in the box, too. At this point it’s pretty full. I go to close the box when Employee #2 stops me.)

Employee #2: “Wait! Put this in, too!”

(It’s a note that says something along the lines of ‘Congrats! You’re stupid!’ We all laugh and put it in the system box. Then I seal it with a clear sticker. We all stand back and bask in the glory of the brilliance we just committed.)

Employee #1: “It’s missing something… I know! Let’s put it in a bag and leave it next to a rack. Maybe someone will think it was purchased and accidentally left behind!”

Me: “Wow. You really want to see this disappear, huh?”

Employee #1: “You bet!”

(He grabs the box and places it in one of our large bags. Then he walks to the front of the store and leaves it next to one of the demo kiosks. We all laugh about it and for the next few hours of our shifts we joke about the ‘Box of Stupid’ whenever the store is empty of customers. We all went home that day and left it next to the kiosk. The next day I go in to work around noon. The assistant manager is there, since he opened the store. I notice that the ‘Box of Stupid’ is gone!)

Me: “Oh, man! I didn’t think it would work so fast!”

Asst. Manager: “What?”

(I then tell the assistant manager what we did yesterday. Everyone that works there is pretty laid back, so I know we aren’t going to get into trouble for it.)

Me: “…and just now when I came in today, I noticed it was gone! Hilarious isn’t it?!”

Asst. Manager: “You’re telling me that the [System] on the floor was fake?”

(His expression becomes very grim. I’m suddenly filled with a sense of dread.)

Me: “You… You didn’t sell it to anyone, did you?!”

Asst. Manager: “What? Oh, no, no! That’s not it…”

Me: “Oh, good! Oh, my god. I thought we were screwed! Wait. What DID you do with the [System]?”

Asst. Manager: “Er… Well, I kinda told my friend to take it.”

(I just stare at him in disbelief. I couldn’t believe he’d be stupid enough to tell someone to take it! After a moment of silence he excuses himself and takes out his phone. He then steps outside for a bit while I run the store. After a few minutes he comes back in looking a bit annoyed.)

Asst. Manager: “What a d***! [Friend] opened the box and, sure enough, your stuff was in it. Now he’s saying I owe him a free [System]! Like h*** that’s gonna happen!”

(For the rest of the day, he’s really moody and I try to keep busy to avoid him. A few days later I’m working with the store manager, who is also normally pretty chill, and Employee #1. We tell the store manager about the whole ‘Box of Stupid’ and what happened to it.)

Store Manager: “…so he told you straight up that he told his friend to take it?”

Me: “Well… yeah. And he was mad about it, too. Why?”

Store Manager: “Oh, that’s nothing for you to worry about. Though, try not to do anything that stupid again. Okay? Let [Employee #2] know what I said.”

Employee #1 & Me: “Yes, sir.”

(A week later I found out that the ‘Box of Stupid’ was just the latest incident involving the assistant manager. It turned out he was stealing cash and games from the store. Needless to say, he was fired.)