Both Ham-Fisted And Half-A**ed

This happened in the post-war years after the second World War when food was still rationed. Especially in the border regions, there was a lot of smuggling going on and police and customs were on the lookout. A common practice was to make people suspected of smuggling butter comfortable next to the stove… until the butter melted.

My grandparents took a trip to visit old friends when the bus was boarded by officials on the search of contraband. There was a heavy-set farmer’s wife on the bus and she was asked — rather rudely — what she was sitting on.

Defiantly, and in the local slang, she pointedly replied, “My two hams.” The bus erupted in laughter, and police and customs exited the bus without much further poking around. When they left, she sighed, said, “Finally,” and retrieved… two hams from under her buttocks.

More laughter ensued.