Boris Knows Where To Shove Those Sticks

I take a call on the store’s customer line. A guy who got his pizza just a few minutes earlier is calling us in a rage.

Caller: “I’m gonna come down there and kick all your a**es!”

Me: “First of all, sir, threats of physical violence will not be tolerated, and these calls are recorded. Now, what is your issue?”

Caller: “You put sticks in my pizza!”

Me: “Pardon me, sticks?”

Caller: “Ugly sticks in my pizza! It’s gross! I can’t believe you expect me to eat this!”

I don’t know what the sticks are, and we’re so busy I don’t have the time or the energy to find out.

Me: “I’ll be happy to send someone out to check on your pizza, sir.”

I call one of our nearby drivers (who happens to be over six foot three and very well built) and ask him to go check on this guy.

When he gets back to the store, he’s laughing:

Driver: “Yeah, he showed me the “sticks” in his pizza. You know what they were? He ordered thin crust, and some of the crust broke off onto the pizza. He was nice as can be after I pointed that out.”

Me: “Are you sure he was nice because you pointed it out, or because you’re over two fifty pounds of muscle?”

Driver: “I think the Russian accent helped.”