Bored Of The Rings

(I’m sitting in my room browsing on the Internet. My mom comes in texting on her phone and looks up, only to pull my blinds open to let in the sun. Immediately, I start cringing and writhing on my bed.)

Me: “Argh! The light…! It burns us…!”

(My mom ignores me and starts to leave.)

Me: *laughing* “I just love your nonreaction whenever I act weird.”

Mom: “Honestly, I can’t tell the difference any more. I blame your dad. And besides, what would you have me do? Close them?”

Me: “Yes! For all you know, Gollum could be planted somewhere in our family tree!”

Mom: “Who?”

Me: “From Lord of the Rings?”

(Stares in incomprehension.)

Me: “Think [mom’s older sister], on a bad hair day.”

Mom: *pauses to think* “With the wigs, or without?”

Me: “I give up.”