Border-ing On Love For Donut Holes
(This is back when I am a student. I live in Ann Arbor, Michigan. My roommates and I frequently like to drive through Detroit to the nearest border crossing into Windsor, Ontario, Canada. It is less than an hour’s drive. A quite famous Canadian coffee-shop chain, known for its donuts and donut-hole-like small pastries, has not yet expanded its operations into the US.)
Roommate #1: “You know what I want? [Donut holes].”
Me: “Ooh, [Donut holes]! You know I’m always up for [Donut holes]!”
Roommate #2: “[Donut holes] do sound good. We could go; it’s not that far. Hey, [Roommate #3], you want to come with to get [Donut holes]?”
Roommate #3: “To get … [Donut holes]? You mean, like to Canada?”
(This brief attempt at being the voice of reason falls through, and all three roommates and I pile into my car for the drive, about 40 minutes at 1 am. We get to the guard booth.)
Border Guard: “National origin?”
Me: “We’re all Americans.”
Border Guard: “Where do you live?”
Me: “All of us live in Ann Arbor.”
Border Guard: “Destination?”
Me: “Windsor.”
Border Guard: “Length of visit?”
Me: “Um, I’m not sure. Half an hour, something like that? Less than an hour for sure.”
Border Guard: *raising his eyebrows* “Purpose of visit?”
Me: “We really need some [Donut holes]!”
(He laughs at that and waves us through. We obtain our lovely little balls of goodness and head back home, which of course entails another stop.)
Border Guard: “National origin?”
Me: “We’re all Americans.”
Border Guard: “Where have you been in Canada?”
Me: “Just into Windsor.”
Border Guard: “How long were you in Canada?”
Me: “About 45 minutes? Something like that.”
Border Guard: “Uh huh. And the purpose of your visit?”
Me: *with my very best deadpan wide-eyed serious look* “We really, really needed some [Donut holes]!”
(Behind and beside me, my roommates beamed and held up our boxes of [Donut holes], which are pretty distinctive. And then we have our pièce de résistance…)
Me: *holding up another box* “Look, we brought you guys a 20-pack!”
(This would never happen today, of course; too much trouble to do this on a whim, and the guards probably wouldn’t be allowed to accept it, either. I hope the world’s gotten safer, because it’s sure gotten less fun.)
This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!
