Boneless Wings: Meat’s Biggest Lie

, , , , , | | Right | August 14, 2019

(I’m a butcher at a high-end grocery store in a rich neighborhood of Connecticut. We’re running a special on “game day” — raw — chicken wings, at 99 cents a pound.)

Regular: *who is demanding and usually awful* “I would like five pounds of your special wings.”

Me: *proceeds to weigh them out and bag them up*

Regular: “No, no, NO! My wings can’t have bones in them! Cut the bones out!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t debone chicken wings. They’re too small and wouldn’t produce enough meat.

Regular: “What are you talking about? You cut the bones out of a chicken breast for me last week! I demand you cut the bones out of those wings!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, that was me last week. I cut the bone out of that chicken breast for you because we were out of boneless chicken breasts. I can’t just cut the bones out of all of these wings.”

Regular: “You can and you will! I’ll have you fired!”

Me: “Why don’t I go get a manager for you, okay?”

(The department manager argues with her for some time. She yells and actually STOMPS HER FEET LIKE A CHILD until he finally agrees and tells me to just cut the bones out of the wings for her.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. There are about fifty wings here, so it should take around an hour to cut all of the bones out for you. You can just come back for them after 1:00.”

Regular: *sticks her nose in the air* “Well, you’re awfully slow, aren’t you?!”

Me: *goes to weigh out the chicken wings again*

Regular: “Wait, what are you doing?”

Me: “Weighing your chicken wings so I can get a price for you before I cut the bones out?”

Regular: “No, that won’t do. That won’t do at all. You can’t charge me for the bones I’m not even getting!”

(The manager, who has stuck around to see what happens, chimes in.)

Manager: “Ma’am, it’s policy that we charge the full weight of product before we remove the bones. Removing the bones for you is a courtesy.”

Regular: “Well, I never!” *storms away without her cheap-ass chicken wings*

(The kicker? She had over $100 worth of steaks, and easily twice that worth of wine in her cart!)

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