Blowing Hot Air Over AC

| Working | July 23, 2013

(My mom and I head to the local store to get an air-conditioning unit. My father works there, and has an employee discount card. He works in the auto department, which closes two hours before his shift ends, during which time he helps out around the store. It is an hour before his shift ends, when my mother and I head there to buy our new air conditioner and walk around while waiting for dad’s shift to end. He takes his card and pays for the air conditioner, pockets the receipt, and heads back to work while mom and I head back to our car to put our purchase in the trunk. About 10 feet out the door, we’re stopped by a pair of greeters; they’re basically the store security guards.)

Greeter #1: “Excuse me, ma’am, do you have a receipt for that?”

Mom: “No, but my husband does. He works in the auto department, so if I could just leave this here and—”

Greeter #2: “Ma’am, the auto department closes at 8pm.”

Mom: “Yes, I know, but my husband doesn’t get off of work ’til 10, so he works around the store until then. If I could just send my son to—”

Greeter #1: “Ma’am, you’re gonna have to return that item.”

Me: “Why? It’s paid for; my father just has the receipt. I can go get him—”

Greeter #2: “No, you can’t, because the auto department closed an hour ago!”

Me: “Yes, I know that, but my dad doesn’t get off ’til 10, so he still works around the store. Now, if you’d just let me get him, he can show you the receipt—”

Greeter #2: “If you and your mom don’t put that thing back or pay for it, the only thing you’ll be ‘getting’ is arrested.”

Mom: “What? Why—”

Greeter #1: “Look, we know your game. You think you can take a nice new AC unit without paying for it by pitching us some bull-s*** story that we know ain’t true.”

Me:“Look, guys, I can prove it. I’ll just run and get my dad.”

Greeter #2: “Why? So you can pocket more stuff?”

(This goes on for another two minutes before I run off to find my dad. By the time I find him and get back, the greeters are physically attempting to take the cart from my mother.)

Dad: “Hey! What the h*** do you think you’re doing?!”

Greeter #1: “This dumb b**** is trying to steal an AC unit, but we got her.”

Greeter #2: “Yeah, we got this, so head on back and—”

Dad: “That ‘dumb b****’ is my WIFE, and the AC unit is paid for!”

(My dad practically shoves the receipt in the greeters’ faces. They let us go after that, without so much as an apology.)

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