His Blood Is Pumping For Other Things

, , , , | Right | December 14, 2017

(I’m working a blood drive at a large VA hospital. We get some wonderful and interesting characters coming to donate but this guy — who reminds me forcefully of Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump — is responsible for one of the best exchanges I’ve ever had on the job.)

Me: “All right, next question: ‘In the last year, have you had any form of sexual contact with a prostitute?'”

Lt. Dan:Huh?

Me: ”’In the last year, have you had any form of sexual contact with a prostitute?'”

Lt. Dan: “Yup, I have.”

Me: *maintaining professionalism* “Well, sir, that will be a problem. I won’t be able to let you donate today.”

Lt. Dan: “What?! How come? I know she’s clean.”

Me: *involuntary chuckle* “Well, sir, it’s just that that’s considered a high-risk behavior, and we prevent you from donating for your safety, as well as for the recipient of the blood.”

Lt. Dan: “I suppose that’s fair. How long before I can donate again?”

Me: “One year from the last time you were with a prostitute.”

Lt. Dan: “Hang on, young lady; are you telling me I can’t have sex with a hooker for a whole year if I want to donate?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Yes, sir, I’m afraid those are the rules.”

Lt. Dan: “Oh, s***. I can’t go a whole year. I’m out of here.”

Me: *breaking and laughing out loud* “That’s your call, sir. Feel free to grab some snacks on your way out.”

(At least he was honest!)


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