Blood Is Thicker Than Social Security

(A customer’s mother has passed away. He wants to take over her account. I am running his credit.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It appears there is a freeze on your credit with one or more of the credit bureaus. This usually happens if you–”

Customer: “Of course there is a freeze. I have one with all three credit bureaus, because some idiot stole my identity last year!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. In order to take over her service, you will need to contact the credit bureaus to authorize this transaction.”

Customer: “Don’t you have a way to work around this? This is really a huge pain. A total nightmare.”

Me: “I understand, sir, but there is no work-around. You will have to contact them to remove the freeze.”

Customer: “I can’t remove the freeze. It’s there to protect me. Are you stupid? Do you think I want to go through all this identity theft garbage again?”

Me: “Not at all, sir. In fact, your protection is why we do not have a way to bypass the freeze. If we did, then anyone could call and give your information and set up service.”

Customer: “But, I’m not just anyone. I’m me!”

Me: “Yes, sir. I understand that. This is how a freeze works. It requires you to verify this transaction further with the credit bureau.”

Customer: “Clearly you are not getting this, but whatever. What if I give you my mother’s social security number?”

Me: “Your mother’s name is who the account is listed under currently.”

Customer: “I know that, you idiot. I mean put it under her social, and my name.”

Me: “Let me make sure I understand you correctly. You don’t want to contact the credit bureaus to lift the freeze you placed on your credit due to being the victim of identity theft. Instead, you would like me to use your name and someone else’s social security number to open an account for you?”

Customer: “Yes. Thank you.”

Me: “You do realize that would technically be committing identity theft?”