Blogging A Dead Horse

(A woman in her late 40s recently hired me to add analytics to her blog. It’s basically just a vanity blog about being rich and complaining about how no one goes to church anymore and how “political correctness” is ruining society. I cringe a few times as I am reading it while I install the analytics. Nevertheless, it is a paying job and I’m not here to judge, so I do what I am paid to do, am paid for it, and move on. A month later, I get a call from her.)

Customer: “Your analyser is broken! It’s not showing the right numbers!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. I’ll just go and have a look.” *checks it all out* “I’m seeing ten page loads this week. I just reloaded it, and now it’s clicked to eleven. It all seems to be working properly.”

Customer: “No, no, no! I get way more views than that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but how do you know?”

Customer: “My husband says he reads it every day! So do all of his employees, and all my friends from bridge club, and my neighbors say they read it, too!”

(Realization slowly dawns on me.)

Me: “Oh, okay. I’m so sorry it doesn’t seem to be working correctly. I’ll look into it.”

(Stumped as to what to do, I end up finding her husband’s email address and warning him about the analytics. I get a one-line email back.)

Husband: “Well, f***. Any chance I could pay you again to just take it off the site?”

(I declined. I’m not sure what happened, but I never heard from them again.)