A Bit Of “Friendly” Advice

, , , | Right | January 3, 2018

(I work as a cashier in a popular grocery store chain. I’m on the express checkout, which is a limited-items register. Since we are so busy most people are way above the limit. An older gentleman who is a frequent customer of mine comes to my line.)

Customer: “Hey, [My Name]! Glad you’re here today! I could really use your help.”

Me: “No problem! Between you and me, that’s why I’m here. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: *whips out two different types of condoms* “I have a friend coming over, and it’s been so long since I’ve had to buy these. And now there’s so many varieties it’s unreal. Which would you recommend?”

Me: “Uhm… well… I’m not quite sure. Don’t they all have the same effect really? I mean, and I don’t mean to be rude if I am but, aren’t you too old to have kids?” *he’s in his mid 60s*

Customer: “You know, I questioned that myself. BUT you can never be too safe. Now come on, which ones are best?”

Me: ” Mr. [Customer], I really couldn’t tell you. Go with the purple box; it’s pretty.”

Customer: “Are you serious? I How could you not know?! Are you some sort of lesbian or something?!”

Me: “Actually—” *pulls out my phone and shows him my lock-screen, which is in fact a picture of my girlfriend of three years* “I am, Mr. [Customer].”

Customer: “Oh! Well, congratulations. I had no idea. I’ll go with the purple box!”

(I finally finished checking him out, all the while him talking about his “friend.”)

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