Bigotry Loves Company

(Note: I am gay, but I seem to be an ‘under the radar’ one; no one ever guesses it, but I don’t hide it, either. I also have a boyfriend, and we plan on getting engaged soon. I’m working as a lifeguard on the lazy river late in the evening. I lean in and do a corner check to scan for small children. I see a mother and her daughter in very revealing clothing pass by on a two-person tube.)

Mother: *to me* “Don’t be looking at my daughter’s boobs! She’s a Christian girl!”

Daughter: *blushes, embarrassed*

Me: “Ma’am, I can promise I do not care about her boobs and was merely doing my job.”

Mother: “Yeah, right! You mean staring at all the young girls like a perv! Only reason young men work here!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m here working to save for me and my soon to be fiancé.”

Daughter: “Mom, just let—”

Mother: “Yeah, a fiancée! Too bad you’re cheating on her by staring at ALL this!” *gestures to herself*

(I point to my necklace with a promise ring I got from my boyfriend on Valentine’s day.)

Me: “Ma’am, I have a betrothed, and both Jay and I would be very surprised if I cheated or stared at a woman.”

Mother and Daughter: *jaws drop* “You’re a f**!”

Me: “I prefer homosexual, but yes, if you prefer.”

(At this point they are reaching a turn in the river. The mother creates a cross with her fingers, and kicks her feet to get away. This river section horseshoes back, so I see them 10 seconds later.)

Mother: “YOU’RE GOING TO H***, YOU F**!”

Me: “Only if I’m working to guard your lava pit, my dear!”