The Bible Contains A Multitude Of Sins

(I work the front desk at a hotel, and we just had a wedding party depart. Shortly after they leave, one of the housekeepers brings down a Bible and says it was left in one of the rooms. They’re smiling from ear to ear as they tell me to open it. Inside, I find a secret compartment filled with a collapsible shot glass, a knife, a holster for the knife, brass knuckles, and keys to lock the Bible. It is all very illegal, but when I tell my managers they say I should try and return it to the woman, since she happens to be the bride.)

Me: “Hello. This is [My Name] calling from [Hotel]. It seems as if you’ve left an item behind that we would like to ship to you.”

Bride: “What item? I don’t remember leaving anything.”

Me: “You’ve left your Bible.”

Bride: “I don’t own a Bible.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but it was found in your room and has your name inside it.”

Bride: “Well, could you describe it to me?”

Me: “Um… Well… It’s a black Bible, and when you open it there’s a secret compartment. It has some… interesting items inside.”

Bride: “Oh. Oh! That was a wedding present! I can’t believe I forgot about it! Would you be able to ship it to me?”

Me: “I do apologize, but due to the nature of the item, we would be unable to ship it. Would you have a way of picking it up?”

Bride: “I live two hours away! There’s no way I’m coming back for that thing!”

Me: “Do you have someone else to pick it up? If not, I will have to turn it over to the police to discard it safely.”

Bride: “No, no! Don’t do that! I’ll send someone.”

(About twenty minutes later a man in dirty, baggy clothes, with unkempt hair comes into the hotel. He has a very grizzled expression on his face.)

Man: “You got my Bible?”

Me: “Let me just call to ask if—”

Coworker: “It’s right here! Have a good day!”

(The man grunted and walked out. My coworker said she just wanted it out of our hotel. We never got a call back from the bride, so I guess it all turned out okay. Hopefully.)