Beware Of Geeks Bearing Gifts

I work in tech support, fixing computers. We have a problem customer who regularly comes in with his virus-infected laptop for us to clean, not bothered about the reams of adult material that we can clearly see have caused the issue.

This guy is vulgar and rude and looks down on us, calling us “geeks” and “tech nerds,” not to mention regularly joking that we’re all virgins and live in our mothers’ basements — the usual stereotypes.

One day, he comes in with an older lady, who I learn is his mother. She needs her older laptop updated, and she is very pleasant to deal with. Her son, however, remains rude and awful.

Completing the paperwork, I note that they have the same address, so I surmise he lives at home with his mother, which is a delicious irony in and of itself. However, the next time he comes in with his infested laptop, I come up with an idea.

I ask him if he is okay with me adding some free software to his browser that will help with his… uh… recurring issues. He nonchalantly agrees, just browsing on his phone.

I install the software, which is designed for less-abled people, and set up the settings to speak aloud, in the loudest volume possible, the name of every site he visits on his browser. I also “accidentally” misplace the volume controls on his user interface and move around some hotkeys. When I am done, I smile as I hand it over.

Surprisingly, we haven’t seen him since. I can’t know for sure if living with his mother presented a problem when every barely-legal website he visited had its name announced at full volume, but I can certainly hope.