Beware Of Boyfriends Bearing Bear Gifts

(I meet a guy through a popular online dating website. We meet up for coffee, and we “click” and have a great time. Unfortunately, around the time we meet, I am getting ready to travel out of state for six weeks. We exchange cell phone numbers and text regularly about life, silly stuff, and our mutual enjoyment of cute animals. We also exchange flirty, though not terribly explicit, texts that hint at all the fun we will have when I get back.)

Guy: “I could always help you out with that… if you ever need someone to be helpful with taking care of yourself.”

Me: “Oooooh, yes. How will I ever find a way to repay you for helping me?”

Guy: “I’m sure we can come up with something. I enjoy many forms of being helped.”

Me: “I can’t wait to get back.”

Guy: “No, wait. I KNOW! I WANT A BABY POLAR BEAR!”

Me: “…”

Guy: “IT’S SO CUTE! YOU HAVE TO SEE IT.”

(When I got back, I gave him a little stuffed polar bear but told him that he wasn’t allowed to be distracted by it when we’re being intimate. We started dating and have been together for two years. So far, no polar bears have interrupted our “helping” of each other.)

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