Avoiding Contributions Can Lead To Retribution

(In Leicester, there’s always a group of people collecting for various charities in the city centre. I get stopped at least once every time I go out. Note: I am a student living off loans.)

Charity Dude: “Hey, pretty lady, have a minute to spare?”

Me: “Not really.”

Charity Dude: “Oh, go on. It’ll only take a minute and I get points for everyone I talk to.”

Me: “Go on, then, but I’m warning you now: I have no spare money.”

Charity Dude: “That’s all right, that’s all right. Just listen up, and if you do come into some money then think of us!”

(He goes into the spiel, explaining what the charity is, and I’m nodding along. Then this happens.)

Charity Dude: “You’re a student right?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s why I’m poor.”

Charity Dude: “I know how much those loans are. I’m sure you can spare £2 a week.”

Me: “No. I can’t. I budgeted my loan for the year, and my loan wasn’t very much because of my parents’ incomes.”

Charity Dude: “I know how much the loans are. Don’t lie.”

Me: “The loans are different for each person. I should be going.”

Charity Dude: “Whatever. Look, you must have some spare cash somewhere. Maybe skip a couple of those binge drinking sprees!”

(He grins like this is the best joke ever. I give him the benefit of the doubt and smile back.)

Me: “Actually, I don’t drink alcohol. I’m mildly allergic, so I only have a little on special occasions. And I really have no spare cash at the minute.”

Charity Dude: “Wait, you don’t drink?”

Me: “No.”

Charity Dude: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yes.”

Charity Dude: “Then what do you do for fun?

Me: “I’m going to go now. ”

Charity Dude: “What? You aren’t going to give anything?”

Me: “I told you at the start that I can’t afford it at the moment. Besides, if I was going to give to charity, I’d want to do more research than this.”

Charity Dude: “Wow. Piss off then!”