Better Than A Sharp Thwap To The Head

I learned a trick years ago when dealing with the dreaded “autopilot loop”: say something completely bonkers. I usually try to switch things up before resorting to being strange, but sometimes, all you can do is snap them out of it with some crazy. 

For example, I wanted to use a coupon for a product at my local grocery store that I didn’t realize had expired the week prior. When my turn came and my items were scanned, I handed the coupon to the cashier.

Cashier: “Oh, sorry, I can’t use this. It’s expired.”

I felt silly for missing the expiry date.

Me: “Sorry, I didn’t realize. You can just throw it out, then.”

Cashier: “Oh, no, sorry, it’s expired. I can’t accept this.”

Me: “Yes, I understand. Do you want me to throw it out?”

The cashier made no move to hand it back or throw it away.

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t use this. It expired last week. “

Then, I had the slow dawning realization that autopilot had been activated.

Me: “Right, you’ve said that. May I have it back to throw away, then?”

Cashier: “No, ma’am, it’s expired. I can’t take it.”

I looked at the customer behind me, who just shrugged and gave me a sympathetic smile.

Me: “For high tea, I like to grab the bean berries off of my turkey bushes before the surfboards see them.”

The cashier — and the now very confused customer behind me — stared at me.

Cashier: “What… What did you say?”

Me: “I was asking if I could pay by debit?”

Cashier: “Um, yes. Yes, you can!”

Still somewhat confused, she finished my transaction and allowed me on my way with my items, throwing the coupon out under her register.

As I left, I could hear her ask the next customer if I had really just said something about turkey bushes and surfboards. 

Customer: “I’m not sure, but whatever she said, it worked!”

This trick works on angry customers, too! Just try to have a couple of phrases ready to go; I have a few I’ve used, and I’ll share them soon!