A collection of all-time greatest hits!
Customer: “What movies do you NOT have?”
Me: “Sorry, what did you say?”
Customer: “I said, what movies don’t you have?”
Me: “Well we have a sign-up that advertises the moves that we DO have. If it isn’t on that sign, then we don’t have the movie.”
Customer: “You really ought to put up a sign that lists the movies that you don’t have.”
(A customer runs up to the till looking rather angry.)
Customer: “Do you have any Pepsi?”
Me: “Yes, we do. Would you like a–”
Customer: “Do you have any Coca-Cola?”
Me: “Yes, we do.”
Customer: “I’ll have a water, then!”
Tech Support: “What software are you using to backup?
Customer: “Ms. Dos.”
(The customer spoke like it was a person, like Mr. Dos or Mrs. Dos.)
Tech Support: “What, are you just copying the files with the xcopy or copy command?”
Customer: “Oh, no. I use Ms. Backup for that!”
(A customer has just moved from Hawaii to Oregon not too long ago, and needs a number to a different department that had different business hours.)
Me: “They are open 7 AM to 10 PM, your local time.”
Customer: “Okay.” *pause* “Does that mean my local time in Hawaii or my local time in Oregon?”
Me: “What state are you in?”
Customer: “Oregon.”
Me: “Okay, then that means your local time is Oregon time.”
Customer: *pause* “But I used to live in Hawaii. Shouldn’t that be my local time?”
Me: “Um, but you live in Oregon now, which makes that your local time. You’re not in Hawaii anymore.”
Customer: *unconvinced* “Okay, bye.”
(I am a server assistant at a popular 40’s style diner.)
Customer: “Excuse me, there’s something wrong with my burger.”
Me: “What is it?”
Customer: “Well, it doesn’t have a bun.”
Me: “Hmm, what did you order?”
Customer: “The all-natural, low-carb burger.”
Me: “Well, the bun is made of bread which is loaded with carbs. So, if you wanted a low-carb burger, there would be no bun.”
Customer: “Oh…that makes sense now!”
