A collection of all-time greatest hits!
Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name] from [Internet Company]. Do you have a few moments to discuss a few of our products?”
Customer: “I’ll never go with [Internet Company].”
Me: ” I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why?”
Customer: “Someone I hate works for you.”
Me: ” Well, depending on who they are, they may have nothing to do with your service.”
Customer: “I don’t care how they’re involved. I hate them!”
(A customer orders an iced coffee. I get it for her. She has a puzzled and dismayed look on her face.)
Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”
Customer: “This… wasn’t what I was expecting.”
Me: “Well, what were you expecting?”
Customer: “I don’t know, but this wasn’t it.”
(I am mopping by our slushie machines when a man approaches me with an empty cup.)
Customer: *holds up our biggest cup size* “Is this a medium?”
Me: “No, that’s an extra-large. This one is the medium.” *shows him medium cup*
Customer: “Oh.”
(The man pulls out a large, which is clearly larger than the medium.)
Customer: “So, is this a small?”
Patron: “Hi, can you help me find this book?” *hands me piece of paper with call number* “I went to look for it, but I couldn’t find it.”
Me: “Sure, let’s go take a look.”
(I take him to the stacks and start to walk down the correct row.)
Patron: “Yeah, this is where I was looking.”
(I pull down the book with that call number. This particular copy is brown.)
Me: “There you go!”
Patron: *disappointed* “Oh, I was looking for a black cover!”
(Customers have been calling in asking for their Economic Stimulus Tax Rebate since the third week in April, even though it wasn’t scheduled to start showing up until the first weekend in May.)
Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”
Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if my $600 rebate was in my account yet? My neighbor got his.”
Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like it has not been deposited yet.”
Customer: “Why not? My neighbor got his already.”
Me: “I do apologize, but the IRS has not sent the deposit to your account yet.”
Customer: “Well, why not?”
Me: “I don’t know, sir, but you can call the IRS at 1-866-*** ****, or visit their website. They can tell you when yours is scheduled to be deposited.”
Customer: “Why can’t you just put the money in my account?”
Me: “Because we don’t have it, sir.”
Customer: “Well, after it comes in, I’m changing banks!”
Me: *shakes head*
