Me: “What size popcorn would you like, sir?”

Older Man: “Do your managers know that there are no parking spots out there?”

Me: “Um… I’m pretty sure they are aware of that, sir. Three very popular movies came out today, seeing how it is Friday.”

Older Man: “Well, maybe they need to be informed of the situation so they can fix it!”

Me: “I’ll let them know right now! In the meantime, this gentleman can help you with your popcorn…”

(I walked off, barely able to contain my laughter.)

(I’ve ordered some glasses on a 2-for-1 offer.)

Optician: “We’ll have them ready for you in a couple of weeks. We’ll give you a call to come in when they are ready.”

Me: “I can just pop by in a couple of weeks.”

Optician: “No, we’ll call you when they’re ready.”

(Two weeks pass without a call from the optician, so I decide to pop in anyway.)

Me: “Are my glasses ready yet?”

Optician: “No. We said we’d call you when they’re in.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Optician: *sighs* “Let me check…”

(They pop off to the back before returning.)

Optician: “Okay, one pair is in, but the other pair got damaged when they were making it. We don’t know when it will come in. We will call you when it comes in.”

Me: “I can just pop in in a few weeks.”

Optician: “No. We will call you when it’s in. Don’t come in till then!”

(Three weeks go by, and again there is no phone call. So, I decide to go in anyway.)

Me: “Hi, have my glasses come in?”

Optician: “We said we’d call you when they are in!”

Me: “Can you check anyway?”

Optician: *checks* “Oh… wait. Yes, here they are!”

Lady: “Hey, we’ve heard that there might be some kind of oil something on this boat…”

Me: “Sure, let me check.” *checks* “Come and look–your oil reservoir is almost completely empty. You should fill it immediately, and it will cost about $*.**.”

Lady: “Oh, that’s a lot. How far will that get us?”

Me: “All the way to the middle of the lake.”

Lady’s Husband: *laughs hysterically*

This story is part of the Boating roundup!

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Read the Boating roundup!

(I’m working at a supermarket giving out free samples of food. I’ve just prepared a frozen meal of chicken, ravioli and garlic sauce into small sample servings. I sit the samples onto a tray next to some sporks for customers to take and enjoy.)

Me: *to a customer* “Hello! Would you like a sample of chicken, ravioli and garlic sauce from [brand]?”

(The customer looks at product for a moment, and then suddenly grabs the meat and sauce with her bare hands and shovels it into her mouth.)

Me: “You know, I do have eating utensils for your convenience.”

Customer: “Nah, that’s okay. I can use my paws!” *wipes garlic sauce-covered fingers all over her clothing and leaves*

This story is part of the Free-Sample Station roundup!

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Read the Free-Sample Station roundup!

Customer in the drive-thru: “Hi, I’d like a BK Veggie.”

Me: “Sir, you’re at Hardee’s, not Burger King. We don’t have any vegetarian entrees.”

Customer in the drive-thru: “Oh, okay. Thanks anyway.”

(Customer sat there for a few minutes before driving away.)