Customer: “Do you have any maps of South Africa?”

(We’re in Ontario, Canada.)

Me: *having a look* “No, it seems we don’t. Your best bet will be to check online or to wait until you get there.”

Customer: “But you have maps of everywhere else! I looked on the computer and it said you had them!”

Me: “Did we have any in stock?”

Customer: “You have maps of places all over the states, but not South Africa.”

Me: “I guess there’s more interest because people can drive there.”

Customer: “This is discrimination! I want a map of South Africa.”

Me: “Let me go check the computer again.” *runs*

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(I work at a hotel doing housekeeping, laundry, and generally other things that need help. As I’m exchanging a guest’s towels, her friend comes out and seems really frustrated.)

Guest: “Um, do you guys actually wash the pillows here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can assure you that all the pillows in here are clean.”

Guest: “Obviously they’re clean! But do you wash them?”

Me:  “Uh… yes, we do.”

Guest:  “I knew it! THAT’S WHY THE PILLOWS ARE TOO G** D*** FLUFFY!”

Me:  “I’m sorry to hear that you were uncomfortable. Sometimes guests that are more used to things from their house bring their own pillows.”

Guest: “And why the h*** would I do that?! All you d*** people would just steal it and make it fluffy!”

Customer: “I would like to buy some top round meat. Are those good for grilling?”

Me: “No, ma’am, not really. It’s part of the leg and they’re better to marinate first because it’s kind of a tough muscle.”

Customer: “Oh, no I don’t want the muscle. Just give me the meat!”

(I work at a cafe that offers bottled water. The bottles are quite large.)

Customer: “Do you have any smaller bottles of water?”

Me: “No, but I can give you an ice water.”

Customer: “What’s an ice water?” *confused*

Me: “Just, like, a cup of water with some ice in it.”

Customer: “Oh! Well, I don’t often drink coffee, so, no thanks!”

(We are having a summer sale, and I am busy stickering a bunch of notebooks that are 50% off. Note: these stickers are merely to alert the customers of the discount; the items are automatically discounted when scanned at the till).

Customer: *picks up notebook* “Is this half off, too?”

Me: “Of course. All of these notebooks are.”

Customer: “What about these two?”

Me: “Yup, all of them!”

Customer: “Could you put a sticker on this one, then?”

Me: “It’s okay; it doesn’t need one. All our items are automatically reduced at the till. Is there anything else you need?”

Customer: *agitated* “Yeah, I want a sticker on this d*** notebook!”

Me: “Honestly, it’s an automatic system and it doesn’t need one.”

(The customer just stands there. I eventually lean over and place a sticker on the notebook. The customer’s attitude immediately improves.)

Customer: “Thank you very much!”