(I work at a food court restaurant that primarily serves fries. On quiet days like today, we do all our cooking to order. A group of three French women have just come up to our counter and are trying to decide what to order. They each get an order of fries and gravy and leave to sit and eat. Suddenly, the first customer comes back to the counter.)

Customer #1: “I want new fries.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry. Was there something wrong with your food?”

Customer #1: “Their fries taste better.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer #1: “I tried my fries, then I tried their fries. Theirs are better, so I want new ones!”

(All three women’s fries were from the same batch, cooked and prepared exactly the same way.)

(I’m a customer in line waiting to pay, when suddenly the registers freeze and have to reboot. There are two impatient customers in line behind me.)

Employee: “Sorry, but the registers just froze. Please be patient while we reboot them.”

Impatient Customer #1: “What did she say?”

Impatient Customer #2: “The registers froze.”

Impatient Customer #1: “Ugh, it’s like living in a third-world country!”

(My family physician tells me that I need to get some blood work done. So, I go to the medical lab nearby to get this arranged.)

Me: “Hi, Dr. [Name] told me I needed to get some blood work done here. Could I possibly make an appointment?”

Receptionist: “No, we don’t take appointments.”

Me: “I see. So does that mean it can be done right now?”

Receptionist: “No, unfortunately, we can’t fit you in today. However, I do have a slot open for 11:15 AM on Saturday.”

Me: “Oh, so you do take appointments.”

Receptionist: “It’s not an appointment. This just happens to be the earliest possible date and time we can fill you in on.”

Me: “Okay, I can live with that. 11:15 on Saturday will work just fine.”

Receptionist: “All right, I just penciled you in. See you on Saturday!”

(I got my ‘not-appointment’ and left the lab satisfied. I then showed up to my not-appointment the following Saturday and got my blood work done without a hitch. Thanks to the not-appointment I arranged, of course!)

(At the supermarket where my boyfriend works, he has to sign his initials each time he finishes with a job. His initials just happen to be “WTF”. One night he gets a call from his manager, who is notoriously mean-spirited.)

My Boyfriend: “Hello?”

Manager: “Do you think this s*** is funny?!”

My Boyfriend: “…Excuse me?”

Manager: “Do you think I have time to waste from you and your bulls***? You put those letters down like it’s a joke?”

My Boyfriend: “That’s my name, [manager]. W***** T***** F****.”

(The manager is silent on the line for a few moments.)

Manager: “…Umm, okay. Carry on. See you at work on Sunday.” *hangs up*

(I live in a town that is very liberal, and as a result, my parents tend to be very welcoming and accepting towards everyone, almost to a fault. My little brother recently came out to me as bisexual and is working up the courage to tell our parents. I’m sitting in the kitchen with my mom when he comes in.)

Brother: “Mom, I have something I want to tell you. I’m bi.”

Mom: “Okay, cool.”

(He walks out, satisfied. Mom turns to me.)

Mom: “Did I handle that right? Do you think I should get him a pastry?”

Me: “…A what?”

Mom: “A pastry. To celebrate? Like a cake?”

Me: *Pause* “No.”

(That night at dinner, while my brother is out of the room:)

Mom: “Oh, [Brother] shared some news with me.”

Dad: *without looking up* “So, he’s gay, right?”

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