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How Are You Gonna Argue With That?

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2022

I work as a tech for an optometrist. Since we’re medical, we require masks in the stores and our doctor won’t see anyone without them.

A lady comes in and we offer her a mask.

Patient: “Oh, but masks don’t do anything! Plus, I don’t believe God will let me get [illness], anyway.”

I am a raised and still professing Protestant.

Me: “You’re more than welcome to bring that up with the doctor, but we do ask that you wear it anyway because the worst-case scenario is that it does nothing but I did my best to protect and love my neighbor.”

She wore her mask.

Then, when she got back to the doctor, he told her she had cataracts forming (and a family history of cataracts, no less).

Patient: “I don’t believe God will allow me to get cataracts.”

The doctor was raised Mormon.

Doctor: “Well, God wrote cataracts into your DNA just like he wrote nearsightedness into your DNA. You’re developing cataracts.”

Signed His Own Fate

, | Right | January 11, 2014

(We had a bad storm the night before that disconnected our store’s internet which is used for the credit cards. We have signs posted on the doors and on the registers that we cannot accept credit or debit cards. We can accept only cash or checks.)

Me: “Hello. Is this for here or to go?”

Customer: “For here. I’d like to use these coupons.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I ring up his order which comes to around $35 even with the coupons. He hands me a debit card.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We cannot accept cards at the moment.”

Customer: “Well. I guess I’ll have to go elsewhere.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer: “Y’all need to have signs up for that.”

Me: “You walked past two when you walked in, sir, and there’s one right there in your face.”

Customer: *shamefully walks out*

Next Time, Less Hair, More Planning

, , | Right | June 11, 2008

(My mother is a hostess in a Chinese buffet restaurant. Said restaurant only has Chinese employees. A woman with a fully stacked plate angrily approaches her.)

Woman: “Excuse me! There’s a hair in my food! You have to give this meal to me for free!”

(My mother looks at the woman’s plate, and what does she find? A single, long, blonde hair, neatly laid on top of her plate.)

This story was included in our Chinese Restaurant Roundup.

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Breast Not To Correct Them

| Right | June 7, 2013

(I am working the drive-thru.)

Customer: “I’d like to have three boxes of chicken legs, white.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What, don’t tell me you’re out already?! These chicken legs can’t be brown, okay? They have to be white!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s no such thing as white chicken legs. It’s always brown meat.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me, girl! I know what I eat. I. WANT. WHITE CHICKEN LEGS!”

Me: “Okay, okay, let me see if we have some.”

(I order up three servings of chicken breast, and meet the customer at the drive-thru window with the food.)

Customer: “This better be my white chicken legs!”

Me: “You can check if you want, ma’am. If it’s not to your liking, we can always switch.”

(The client checks inside the three boxes, and smiles triumphantly.)

Customer: “I knew you had some! They always tell me they don’t, but the others always lie. I like you. I’ll come back again!”

This story is part of the Chicken roundup!

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Constant New Viruses Are Such A Strain

, , , | Right | September 27, 2010

Customer: “Can you recommend a perfect anti-virus to use on my computer?”

Me: “At the rate viruses are coming out, sir, there isn’t really any that protect your computer perfectly.”

Customer: “So, they don’t really work?”

Me: “No, not really, sir.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, which one doesn’t work the least?”