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Not The Only Hollow Thing In The Store

, , , | Right | August 12, 2010

Customer: “Do you have any record players?”

Me: “We only have one model, but they’re all sold out right now.”

(She leaves and comes back five minutes later.)

Customer: “Ha! I found one! I knew you were lying to me!”

(She carries the very large and heavy display version of the turntable from a few aisles over.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I can’t sell you the display.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, for one thing, I can’t open the case around it. Second, the one in there is just hollowed-out plastic. It’s not a working player.”

Customer: “So, can I get it at a discount?”

This story is part of our Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!

Read the next Musically Ignorant Customers roundup story!

Read the Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!

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A Very Shallow Pool Of Intelligence

| Right | August 19, 2013

(The phone rings.)

Customer: “I need to get sand for my pool filter.”

Me: “Okie doke, how much sand do you need?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “If you look on your filter, it will usually tell you how much it uses.”

Customer: “I’m looking at it right now. It doesn’t say how much it needs.”

Me: “Does it say anything on it at all?”

Customer: “Yes it has a serial number.”

Me: “What is it?”

Customer: “300-L-B-S.”

(I pause.)

Customer: “Does that help?”

Me: “I will have your sand ready to pick up in 15 minutes.”

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They’re Blowing Smoke

, , , , | Right | April 1, 2018

(I’m a teenage girl and I work at my father’s gas station. While it’s a good neighborhood and he knows I can take care of myself, he has audio and video cameras up for his own peace of mind. One weekend afternoon, a car pulls up into the fire lane. A young girl I don’t recognize, probably no older than 18, jumps out of the driver side. She comes into the store and up to the counter.)

Girl: “I need a pack of [Cigarettes].”

Me: “Sure thing. I just need to see your ID.”

Girl: “I left it at home.”

Me: “Sorry. Feel free to come back later when you’ve got it with you. Have a nice day.”

Girl: “Oh, come on! I’m 18, I swear!”

Me: “Sorry, I really can’t. It’s against the law.”

Girl: ”Don’t be such a f****** b****, and sell me the f****** cigarettes!”

Me: “Do you realize that all our transactions are video and audio recorded?”

Girl: “The f*** does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “I’ve got you on tape asking me to break the law, I’ve got you on video parked illegally in the fire lane, and I can assure you that your plates are on camera, too. And, since you are refusing to show me an ID, I know that you’re driving without a driver’s license. Would you like this b**** to call the police now?”

Girl: *turns white and runs out of the building*

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Calling About Calling

| Right | May 21, 2014

(I work at a customer service desk. I answer the phone with my usual greeting. The customer on the other line starts screaming.)

Customer: “WHY DID YOU CALL ME?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you called us… Was there anything I could help you with?”

Customer: “WHY. DID. YOU. CALL. ME.”

Me: “Did someone leave a message on your machine?”

Customer: “Yes. It was you. Why did you call me?”

Me: “Well, it wasn’t me personally. What did the message say?”

Customer: “It said I had an order ready for pick up. Why did you call me?”

Me: “It would appear you have an order… for pick up…”

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Needs To Take A Chill Pill

| Right | January 29, 2013

(I’m at a chain company pharmacy/mini-stores getting a bottle of water. As I pass by the pharmacy, I witness an exchange between a very burly, muscular customer and a short, skinny female clerk.)

Customer: “I need to refill my prescription.”

Clerk: “Well, I’m sorry, but according to our systems, you have no refills left. You’ll need to contact your doctor and get a new prescription.”

Customer: “What?! I want my pills. Give me my pills!”

(The exchange continues for a while, with the customer getting more and more agitated. The clerk appears to be frightened and close to tears. The commotion is drawing the attention of the people around.)

Customer: “You dumb b****, are you f***ing stupid? Give me my pills or there will be a problem.”

(At this point, I step between him and the clerk behind the counter.)

Me: “Look buddy, she already said that she’s not giving you pills and told you what to do. So you better just listen to her, leave, and stop making an a** of yourself.”

(For a moment he looks like he is going to hit me, then just stomps away swearing under his breath.)

Me: *to the clerk* “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

Clerk: “It’s alright. Thank you for that. Here, that water is on me, okay?”

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