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This Movie Is The Bee’s Knees

| Right | November 19, 2013

(Our library has a new program where we showcase an artist’s work in our park next door. The first choice of art was a giant head made of discarded wood. After it was replaced, I have this conversation with a maintenance page.)

Page: “I like the new sculpture much better. The giant head was a bit weird.”

Me: “Yeah, it reminded me of The Wicker Man.”

Page: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a horror movie. The newer one has Nicolas Cage—”

(Suddenly, a library patron nearby begins shouting.)

Patron: “Not the bees! NOT THE BEES!”

Page: “I have got to see this movie.”

 

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It’s Going To Be An Interesting Knight

| Right | November 25, 2015

(Back in 1997, I am working at a large, national video rental chain. A high school-aged boy, roughly 16 years old, walks up to the counter.)

Boy: “Can you help me find a movie?”

Me: “Probably, do you know the title?”

Boy: “First Knight.”

(The requested film is about the love triangle between King Arthur, Lady Guinevere, and Sir Lancelot. Action aside, it wasn’t normally requested by men, especially high-school aged. Thinking this strange, I still take him to the appropriate section, find the tape in stock, and hand it to him.)

Boy: “Thanks, man! You’ve saved my life.”

(Back at the counter he ends up coming through my line.)

Boy: “Thanks again, man. You’ve really saved me some time.”

Me: *as I hand him his change* “What do you mean?”

Boy: “Oh, we have to read this for school, and I forgot all about it.”

Me: “You have to read THIS for school?!”

Boy: *smiling as he goes out the door* “Yep, and I can’t stand Shakespeare.”

(As he walks out the door my coworker and I break down laughing, realizing that he was actually looking for “Twelfth Night.”)

Coworker: “Boy, is his teacher in for a treat!”


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About To Adopt An Apologetic Attitude

, , , | Learning | July 20, 2013

(I overhear a discussion at the next table during a parent-teacher conference.)

Father: “Hi, Mr. [Teacher], we’re Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name], parents of [Student].”

Teacher: “You’re [Student]’s parents?”

Mother: “Yes. I understand you teach our daughter science.”

Teacher: “You’re not [Student]’s parents.”

Father: “What do you mean?”

Teacher: “Look. I’m a science teacher, and I also specialize in genetics. You look nothing like your daughter, neither one of you.”

Mother: “She’s adopted.”

Teacher: “Oh! Oh! I’m so sorry!”


This story is part of our Parent-Teacher-Conference Roundup!

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Undeserving And Uptight

, , | Right | April 19, 2012

(I work for a small city police department as the parking enforcement officer. I’m writing a parking ticket for a car parked over the time limit when a snobbish driver driving a sports car parallel parks in a nearby space and gets out of her car.)

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. Could you do me a favor and back your car up a few feet? You’re over the line just a bit.”

(I point to where the front bumper is a good three feet into the next space.)

Driver: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yes, please. If your car is too far into the next space, then the next person who tries to park in that space will have to park even more forward. It causes a domino effect where until no car on the street will be able to fit into a space.”

Driver: “Fine. I can’t believe this!”

(She gets back into her car, backs up two feet, then drives forward even more than she was before. I realize that she thinks I’m concerned about how far she is from the curb, and she’s trying to wiggle closer.)

Driver: “There, is that good enough?”

Me: “Well, it’s not the side lines I’m worried about. You’re fine there. See this line here?” *taps the line dividing her space from the one in front of it* “You need to be inside these lines so that other cars will be able to use the space in front of you.”

Driver: “I don’t get it. I’m centered between the other cars.”

Me: “Yes, but that’s because the car in front of you is a tiny car and they’re parked all the way at the front of their space. They’re still well within their lines.”

Driver: “How am I supposed to tell if I’m behind that line? I can’t see the lines when I’m inside the car. Do you expect me to get out of the car and look?”

Me: “I understand it can be tricky. But most people manage to park inside the lines.”

Driver: “Boy, this city must be hard up for money if you’re being this picky about parking.”

Me: “Actually, I’m trying to help you not get a ticket. You just need to back up a few feet and then you’ll be out of the other space.”

(The driver gets back into her car with a huff, and very slowly backs it up. I give her a wave to let her know that she’s good.)

Driver: “There, I hope you’re happy! If I knew I’d be dealing with a b**** today, I would have gone somewhere else!”


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Double The Price, Half The IQ

| Working | April 1, 2014

(I’m buying a jacket, priced at £55. The cashier rings up my purchase.”

Cashier: “That’s £110, please.”

Me: “Oh, the tag says £55.”

Cashier: “Oh yes! I scanned it twice!”

Me: *after waiting a few seconds* “So?”

Cashier: “So that’s £110, please!”

Me: “It should be £55. You’ve charged for two.”

Cashier: “I scanned it twice.”

Me: “I know. You’re charging me for two jackets, but I only have one.”

Cashier: “Oh. OH! Do you want me to get you another jacket?”

Me: “Thank you, but I think you’d better get me a supervisor instead.”

(Unfortunately the supervisor was just as confused as the cashier!)

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