(My boyfriend often makes fun of me for saying a lot of blonde things. On this particular night, I’m exhausted from work and on my A game for dumb statements.)

Boyfriend: “I’ll scoop you up and carry you back to the car if you need me to.”

Me: “Babe, I’m not ice cream.”

Boyfriend: *blank stare* “You’re lucky I love you. Following your thought process makes my brain hurt.”

Me: “Oh, like brain freeze?”

(Our flight has been delayed, so my husband and I have spent six hours together in an airline club lounge. We are alternating between silliness and grumpiness to cope with the boredom.)

Husband: “So, do you want to join the no-mile high club?”

Me: “Not with you.”

(My boyfriend is very shy. We are alone in his house for the first time. He is cuddling with me on the couch, looking me deep in the eyes. I move closer as I think he is going to give me our first kiss. He moves closer and moves his hand toward my face. I am now an inch away from his face and…)

Boyfriend: “Huh.” *randomly sticks his finger up my nose*

Me: “What the heck?”

Boyfriend: “Sorry, you had a booger.”

(We’re watching a commercial for a toaster pastry that has been playing for months. Fed up with it I come up with a new commercial for them that they could show for the holidays. My husband reacts with sarcasm.)

Husband: “Yeah, and they should put boxes of it with bows under the tree! We should go into business of telling people what to do.”

Me: “Why do you think I became a wife!?”

(My sister is reading the back of a snack box.)

Sister: “Hey, look! You can enter a contest to go see a panda cub! But it says that children under 3 years of age can’t enter, and if you’re under 12 you may not be able to feed the panda. Oh, and you’re not eligible if you’re from Hawaii or Arkansas.”

Me: “Arkansas? That’s really random. I was expecting you to say Alaska, since it’s not in the continental US.”

Sister: “Wait, what’s the abbreviation for Alaska?”

Me: “AK.”

Sister: “Oh, that makes a lot more sense now.”