(My husband and I decided to stop mid-intercourse to race across town before the local adult store closed, because we discovered that the toy we wanted to use had mysteriously melted in the box under our bed. He also occasionally forgets how in-sync we are.)

Me: *toy in hand* “We made it in time!”

Husband: *starts car and looks at me funny*

Me: “Don’t tell me you don’t want to anymore?”

Husband: “No, I do, a lot. I was just wondering if we could stop at Taco Bell on the way home?”

Me: “Oh, my God! I can get a freeze!”

(He won’t doubt my commitment to sex or Taco Bell for awhile.)

(My son is definitely not a morning person, to the point that he won’t even speak English until he’s had his coffee if another language lets him say the same thing with fewer syllables. He volunteers with people from all over the world, so he has picked up little bits of a wide variety of languages, and I did linguistics at university, so I can at least guess what most of it means. One morning the phone rings as he’s on his way past. He picks it up, and I overhear this:)

Son: “Morn.” *Norwegian or German, short for good morning* “…Nee.” *Dutch, no* “…Da.” *Russian, yes* “…Adio.” *not sure, maybe Slovenian? He uses it to say goodbye, and doesn’t mean Adieu or Adios*

(He hangs up and wanders, bleary eyed, past me through the dining room.)

Me: “So who was that, honey?”

Son: “…Spam.” *as in spam mail, so a cold caller*

Me: “Too early for real answers still?”

Son: *pauses, then frowns at me contemplatively* “…Morn.”

(He then turned back to the kitchen and stumbled off for his coffee. If only every marketer had the decency to call during that brief period so he could confuse them until they hung up the phone!)

(I am with a friend, at her friend’s house, whom I’ve never met before today. We are in the living room, and the TV is on. A medical drama is on, and something happens to an unlikely victim.)

Me: *gasps* “She’s having a stroke!”

TV Character: *in shock* “She’s having a stroke!”

(My friend broke down in laughter, while her friend stood there in shock. We didn’t know each other well enough for her to know I was a medical student, but it made for a funny conversation afterward.)

(My roommates are annoyingly affectionate. I am getting ready to go to bed when the male roommate asks me to text his girlfriend, as his phone is lousy and she is out late with friends.)

Me: *texting* “Your dude says he misses you.”

Female Roommate: “Tell him I love him!”

Me: “I’m not an owl!”

(I am outside a university hall of residence, on the night of a lunar eclipse.)

Student: “So what planet is the moon eclipsed behind?”

Related:
Total Eclipse Of The Brain

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