Bespoke Babies

(A customer comes up to my register with her child. It’s clear that her five-year-old child has been wearing down her patience since the two started shopping. After repeatedly asking her mother to buy a piece of candy, she finally snaps.)

Customer: “If you do not stop it right now, I will leave you at the store here and they’ll put a price tag on you and place you on the shelf for sale.”

Child: “No they won’t. I’m not for sale!”

Me: *to the child, jokingly* “That’s actually not true. If you lift up the back of your hair, I can scan the bar code on the back of your neck and see how much we should price you for.”

Customer: *to the child* “See? Now, are you going to behave, or am I going to have to let them put you on the shelf for sale?”

Child: “But… but… but you can’t buy me! I have to be specially made!”