Being On Hold Is Literally The Worst

I recently bought my first house. I contacted an Internet company to provide me with Internet. They had to bring new cables to my house from the service box. Because of the way our neighborhood is set up, my service box is in my neighbor’s backyard. They used bright orange cables and promised that the cables would be buried in a week.

Two months later, they are still not buried. Then, the neighbor runs over them with his lawnmower.

I call into support. After going through an automated menu, I’m put on hold. It’s about 15:00. At around 17:00, I start making dinner.

About fifteen minutes into dinner prep, I hear the hold music stop.

Employee: “Hello? Are you there?”

I run for my cellphone to answer before they hang up… with a knife still in my hand.

Me: “Hello, I’m aieeeeeeeeeee!”

I scream as I scald myself on the steam coming off of a pot, dropping the knife onto my foot and thus stabbing myself, too.

Employee: “Hello, are you there? If I don’t hear a response soon, I’ll hang up.”

I check the phone; it is on mute.

Employee: “I’m hanging up now.”

Me: “No, no, no, no, no, I’m here! I’m here!”

Employee: “Please come to the phone more rapidly in the future. How can I help?”

I take a moment to grab paper towels for my foot with my scalded hand.

Me: *Hissing quietly* “Ow, f***, f***, ow…”

Employee: “I do not appreciate being spoken to like that. I’m going to hang up if you keep swearing at me.”

Me: “I’m not swearing at you. I dropped a f****** knife on my f****** foot and I’m in f****** pain. It has nothing to do with you. Please don’t hang up on me. I’ve been on hold for two hours and fifteen minu—”

Click. 

Me: “F***.”

I took a moment to clean up and wrap my foot in bandages. Then, I used my phone to go to the company website and ask to discontinue my service. I got a retention call back twenty minutes later.

Client retention services sent someone out to reconnect the line and bury it this time.