Beggars Can’t Be Choosers

I live in a rural village on the edge of a tourist area. This means there’s a lot of competition among the bars and restaurants during the season, but most of them close come winter.

There is one nearby run by a local man and his British wife. There are a number of ex-pats living locally and, as it stays open all year round and the food is pretty good, that may explain why their customer service is so poor; there aren’t many other options for half of the year. It’s common for it to take an hour to ninety minutes for food to arrive; deliberate on their part, we’ve learned, as they figure you’ll spend money on drinks while you’re waiting.

Even if you ask for food at a particular time, it will be late. Some friends of ours booked a birthday dinner at 7:00 pm and got their food at 8:45 pm.

The following is a pretty typical example of what happens every time we visit.

Us: “Could we have one fish and chips, please, one chicken burger, and a lasagne?”

Owner: “We don’t have any fish; [Husband] has gone to do the shopping but I don’t know if he’ll bring any back.”

Us: “Okay, make that a cheeseburger and chips instead, then, please.”

Owner: “We’ve only got one bread roll left. So you can’t have a chicken burger and a cheeseburger. Also, I haven’t made any lasagne.”

Us: “Okay. How about a cheeseburger but without the bread roll; just chips and salad?”

Owner: “I can do that but it will be the same price.”

Us: “That’s fine.”

Two minutes later:

Owner: “I don’t have any burgers.”

Us: “You know what? Just tell us what you do have, and we’ll decide from there.”

If there was anywhere else open within a half-hour drive, we’d go there.