Heaven Help Yourself To Everything We Have

(Our school has quite a large and successful vegetable garden. Each harvest time, we get the kids to help us collect all the vegetables, which are then given to the families of students who are on free or reduced-price lunches. One day, I get a phone call asking about the garden.)

Me: “Hello, this is [my name].”

Caller: “Hi, I’m looking for Mr. [last name].”

Me: “Speaking. What can I do for you?”

Caller: “The office told us to call you about the garden?”

Me: “Yep, that’s me!”

Caller: “Well, we were hoping to just pick it all up next week.”

Me: “…E-excuse me?”

Caller: “The vegetables? We have a truck we can pick them up with.”

Me: “Well, sir, the vegetables from our garden actually go to students at our school. We don’t give them to external folks unless we have a big harvest, and unfortunately, this year’s is barely going to be enough to feed our students.”

Caller: “Well, aren’t you just selfish! I’ll have you know that I’m from [local church-run soup kitchen], and I’m going to have your vegetables for God!”

Me: “So what you’re telling me is that my students should starve because you want my vegetables?”

Caller: “You’re supposed to donate!”

Me: “I’m supposed to feed my kids, too. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Caller: “FOR GOD!” *hangs up*