Beating The Bonus Out Of That Boss

I work for a company that deals with high-end sales. Management sets crazy high sales targets that they never expect anyone to beat, and mine is a whole million dollars for the year.

My boss has been squirming for a couple of weeks now as we’re almost at the end of the fiscal year, and thanks to one big client, I’ve made $1.2 million in sales and I am due a bonus.

Boss: “Congratulations, [My Name]! Because you hit [almost impossible to reach 120% of annual sales target] for the year, corporate is going to give you a bonus of [Grocery Store] gift cards!”

Me: “Is that on top of my actual bonus?”

Boss: “Uh… well, no. This is your bonus, but it’s worth—”

Me: “No, thank you. I’ll take my cash bonus, please.”

Boss: “Well, that’s a discussion that needs to be had with the VP, and—”

Me: “Awesome, let’s set it up. I’ll go check all three of our calendars and—”

Boss: “Just wait a minute. He’s a very busy man and you can’t just set a meeting with him.”

Me: “Well, I would check with his secretary, of course, but I am sure I can put something in there soon.”

Boss: “How about we double the amount of vouchers so that—”

Me: “No, thank you. I’ll take the cash.”

Boss: “But at that amount, you’d have free groceries for a couple of months!”

Me: “I made over $1.2 million for this company in the last fiscal year. You told me that I would earn a six percent bonus for every dollar sold after I exceeded my sales target of a million. Six percent of $200,000 is $12,000. I’ll take that, please.”

Boss: “I said we could discuss it if it happened.”

Me: “This is us discussing it. I do recall that I asked you to confirm such a bonus in an email last year — pretty sure I can bring that up.”

Boss: “Fine, we can discuss it. Let’s put something in the calendar for [date a month away].”

Me: “No, thank you, that will be in the next fiscal year, and I have a feeling something might get in the way if we wait that long. Look, the VP has a clear spot in his calendar for Friday! Let me just—”

Boss: “Fine, fine! I’ll ask payroll to set it up.”

Me: “Copy me into that email, please!”

He begrudgingly emailed payroll (after I reminded him) before he left for work that day. I wonder why he wanted to pay me in useless vouchers? I guess it had nothing to do with his bonus being tied to making efficiencies and savings to labor costs for his department and my bonus payment ruining any chance of his receiving one? Must have been something else…

Also, he put my sales target for the next year at $1.25 million. I quit a couple of months later and had a new job within weeks due to my amazing sales track record. My ex-boss ended up missing his bonus another year after that as he lost his best sales agent…