Beaten By A Minor Key

(I am male and work at a small music store. As well as music, we sell instruments, including upright pianos. A middle-aged, balding customer enters and makes a beeline for the uprights.)

Customer: “God d*** it, I’m so f****** good at the piano! You just sit your d*** a** down and listen to me play!”

(He begins to play Beethoven’s Sonata Op. 10 No. 1, which is an impressive piece, although I wouldn’t be surprised if an eighteen-year-old could play it. The man appears to be drunk, so I say nothing about his talent and listen to the piece as he requested.)

Customer: “I’m so f****** good at the piano that you should give me this piano for free to show your appreciation for my motherf****** amazing talent!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why the f*** not?”

Me: “Well, sir, because this piano costs a lot of money, and I can’t just give it away for free. Also, if you keep using that kind of language, I’ll have to remove you from the store.”

Customer: “What the f***, you…”

(As the customer rants at me for not giving him the upright for free, a gorgeous young girl who looks about fifteen approaches.)

Girl: “Sorry, I think I can solve this situation. If I can sight-read this piece better than you just played it, you don’t get the piano for free. Deal?”

(The customer grumbles a bit but eventually agrees. The girl sits down and plays the piece with much more expertise and fewer mistakes than the customer did, even adding in little comments like, “In this part, you’ve got to be as sassy as humanly possible,” and, “I’d use pedal here, but not where the sequence repeats, just to shake it up a bit.”

The customer gripes and groans but finally leaves the store. I tell my manager and he gives her half off her entire purchase. As she is leaving, she drops this bomb.)

Girl: “I’m glad he fell for it. I wasn’t really sight-reading. I haven’t played the piece since I was nine, though, so I guess it counts!”