The Beach Is Full Of Little Nippers

, , , | Friendly | July 14, 2017

(I am sunbathing on the beach when a shadow hovers over me. I open my eyes and see it’s a young girl, probably four or five years old.)

Me: “Are you all right? Are you lost?”

Girl: “You have hairy nipples.”

Me: *taken aback* “Ugh, yeah.”

Girl: “Why?”

Me: “Because I’m a man?”

Girl: “Can I have hairy nipples?”

(Before I could respond, a woman (presumably her mother) appeared, grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her away, screaming so loudly about nipples that the entire beach stopped to take notice.)

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  • Ebony

    And WHY wasn’t the brat’s owner watching her when she approached a random stranger to make stupid statements and ask stupider questions?

    • Susan McInnis

      Snort! The brat’s owner? Best description I’ve heard in years! Thanks for the giggle!

      • Cathrope

        I’m going on a limb here, but I think Ebony is Negative Nancy. For she/he sounds just like her.

        • I dunno. The “owner” comment is close but I’d be more convinced if it had been “breeder” with much nastier side insults. Still, it’s a valid theory. We will need to study this further. Or ignore it. Whatever.

          • Cathrope

            We need to investigate this scientifically.

          • Rachel Schmachel

            It’s not Negative Nancy. It’s India. Just another child hater who thinks it’s OK to push her hateful opinions on others because someone else did it to her once and apparently she can’t see the hypocrisy in that.

          • Matt Westwood

            Your own political position is just as extreme as hers, just that you’re even more self-righteous about it.

        • Kristen

          I doubt it. She didn’t degrade the mom for not aborting the child

          • Cathrope

            True, but maybe, just maybe, she’s not ready to go full bore. I still find it funny that in one day I got Negative Nancy pissed off to leave.

          • Kristen

            Ooh, now you gotta spill the T, can’t leave me hanging

          • Cathrope

            Read a story and went “Negative Nancy, is that you?” And she had a piss fit over it and told me she was never coming back.

    • Scott O

      Your reaction is…interesting.
      I assume you have permission from the ward director to be on the computer today?

      If you’re in public, you can be asked questions. By anyone. About anything. At any time. Period.

      • Donnell Hanog

        Doesn’t mean there aren’t questions anybody with two brain cells to rub together doesn’t ask. Nor does it obligate one to answer such questions.

        • Neil Fairweather

          Try that again without the quadruple negative.

          • Donnell Hanog

            Sorry. That was supposed to be a triple-negative (‘nobody’ should have read ‘anybody’), and there for a reason. Do you have any actual counterargument, or are you just here to nitpick typos?

          • Matt Westwood

            Might have been intended as a smart-ar$e Big Bang Theory quote.

          • Donnell Hanog

            Ar$e? Check. Smart? Not so much. Big Bang Theory? Haven’t been watching much telly lately, so I wouldn’t really know. Either way, it was a stupid comment that contributed nothing to the conversation other than pointing out a typo.

          • Matt Westwood


        • Des

          It’s true an adult shouldn’t ask that, but at 4 or 5, kids are still learning what’s ok to say and what’s not.

          OP could have said “anyone can have hairy nipples, but it’s not nice to ask strangers questions about their body like that. If you have body questions, you should ask your parents.”

          • Donnell Hanog

            Hence the question of why the parent, who was present, wasn’t making sure their child, who clearly hadn’t learned yet, wasn’t going around asking inappropriate questions.
            Your second point is valid, though I’d have shortened it to ask your parents. Then again, I lean asocial, so…

          • Des

            That’s a fair question.

            The thing about little kids is that they can get away from you in seconds. It’s possible the mom is negligent, or the mom merely stopped to put her sunglasses away, dig in her bag for sun screen, etc… I’d imagine the kid ran off in a split second, based on the mother’s yelling.

          • Donnell Hanog


      • Cathrope

        Psst…I think this might be Negative Nancy in disguise.

    • Powers

      Because children don’t need constant supervision?

    • Leah

      What behaviour was this child exhibiting to be deserved being labelled a brat?

      • katherinemch

        1- ditching her guardian and approaching a stranger (that’s how kids go missing)
        2- bothering someone who is lying down eyes closed, perhaps sleeping (Why does she think that’s ok? Is she permitted to wake anyone in her household while they are trying to sleep?)
        3- discussing a stranger’s body (in this case no harm done but if she has not been trained to keep such thoughts silent, imagine the pain she could cause by loudly remarking on a little person’s stature, or an obese person, or someone with acne or a prosthetic limb etc)

        • Denise Gutsche

          1) When I was a kid, I was free to roam the beach. It was expected from me to explore the range where I would get uncomfortable and then find the way back by myself. Thereby learning how NOT to get missing. I guess I was supervised doing all that, but.. .it was the seventies…
          2) He admitted he opened his eyes. And children that age may KNOW they are not supposed to wake someone sleeping and do that nevertheless, because they are still not that good at controlling their impulses.
          3) At that age kids will discuss a LOT, and it’s up to their parents to educate their child (not TRAIN it, like a pet) towards the thought that words can hurt people, that some people are different, but still people, and set a good example in not judging people by their looks.

          • Donnell Hanog

            Humans are trained, too, you know.

        • Leah

          1 – it’s a beach. Kids aren’t required to stay within 6 feet of their guardian. And her mum might have been only a couple of metres away, maybe tending to another child while this kid wandered a short distance away. Nothing bratty about that.
          2 – she didn’t say anything to him until he opened his eyes and looked at her
          3 – a social expectation that she hasn’t figured out yet. It’s well-known that little children often make socially inappropriate comments about other people, not understanding the social implications of what they’re saying. That’s not bratty behaviour, unless she was like 9 or 10.

    • Matt Westwood

      She obviously was, because she came along soon after she had obviously started said pestering. Now if she’d have casually strolled along after you’d been in deep intensive conversation for half an hour or more with her daughter about relative bodily hairiness with respect to the various different body parts, genders and pubertal status, then maybe there would be cause for concern.

  • Kitty

    Sure you can have hairy nipples. *lies back down and ignores the kid*

    • That is actually the correct answer. Some of us ladies do more shaving/waxing/plucking than some other of us ladies.

      • strangeangel24601

        *Sigh* Tell me about it. And then there’s the ones that get ingrown…

  • Darth Pseudonym

    I mean, there’s nothing particularly wrong with what the kid did. Kids are curious about things. The mom’s overreaction is pretty insane.

  • Now I want to know what the woman was saying, sorry screaming, so loudly about nipples. “Don’t ask strangers about their nipples”? “Don’t say the word nipples!”? “NIPPLES!”

    So curious…

    • Matt Westwood

      I understood it that the kid may have been doing the screaming about nipples.

      • Huh, I didn’t even consider that!

  • Tony Solis

    I like kids, but I hate them sometimes. They have absolutely no filter lol

  • Autumn Darian Sabisch

    I remember once I was changing in a closet and the door came unlatched. My roommate then screamed that they she could see me naked and the door to the hallway was open so anyone passing can would be able to see me. I looked to the door and saw no one in the hallway, so I yelled back “There’s no one in the hallway and yet you still felt the need to announce to the whole dorm instead of getting up and closing the door?”

  • strangeangel24601

    You can have anything you want when you grow up, kiddo.