The Beach Is Full Of Little Nippers

, , , | Friendly | July 14, 2017

(I am sunbathing on the beach when a shadow hovers over me. I open my eyes and see it’s a young girl, probably four or five years old.)

Me: “Are you all right? Are you lost?”

Girl: “You have hairy nipples.”

Me: *taken aback* “Ugh, yeah.”

Girl: “Why?”

Me: “Because I’m a man?”

Girl: “Can I have hairy nipples?”

(Before I could respond, a woman (presumably her mother) appeared, grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her away, screaming so loudly about nipples that the entire beach stopped to take notice.)

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  • Ebony

    And WHY wasn’t the brat’s owner watching her when she approached a random stranger to make stupid statements and ask stupider questions?

    • Susan McInnis

      Snort! The brat’s owner? Best description I’ve heard in years! Thanks for the giggle!

    • Scott O

      Your reaction is…interesting.
      I assume you have permission from the ward director to be on the computer today?

      If you’re in public, you can be asked questions. By anyone. About anything. At any time. Period.

      • Donnell Hanog

        Doesn’t mean there aren’t questions anybody with two brain cells to rub together doesn’t ask. Nor does it obligate one to answer such questions.

        • Neil Fairweather

          Try that again without the quadruple negative.

          • Donnell Hanog

            Sorry. That was supposed to be a triple-negative (‘nobody’ should have read ‘anybody’), and there for a reason. Do you have any actual counterargument, or are you just here to nitpick typos?

        • Des

          It’s true an adult shouldn’t ask that, but at 4 or 5, kids are still learning what’s ok to say and what’s not.

          OP could have said “anyone can have hairy nipples, but it’s not nice to ask strangers questions about their body like that. If you have body questions, you should ask your parents.”

          • Donnell Hanog

            Hence the question of why the parent, who was present, wasn’t making sure their child, who clearly hadn’t learned yet, wasn’t going around asking inappropriate questions.
            Your second point is valid, though I’d have shortened it to ask your parents. Then again, I lean asocial, so…

          • Des

            That’s a fair question.

            The thing about little kids is that they can get away from you in seconds. It’s possible the mom is negligent, or the mom merely stopped to put her sunglasses away, dig in her bag for sun screen, etc… I’d imagine the kid ran off in a split second, based on the mother’s yelling.

          • Donnell Hanog

            True.

    • Powers

      Because children don’t need constant supervision?

    • Leah

      What behaviour was this child exhibiting to be deserved being labelled a brat?

      • katherinemch

        1- ditching her guardian and approaching a stranger (that’s how kids go missing)
        2- bothering someone who is lying down eyes closed, perhaps sleeping (Why does she think that’s ok? Is she permitted to wake anyone in her household while they are trying to sleep?)
        3- discussing a stranger’s body (in this case no harm done but if she has not been trained to keep such thoughts silent, imagine the pain she could cause by loudly remarking on a little person’s stature, or an obese person, or someone with acne or a prosthetic limb etc)

  • Kitty

    Sure you can have hairy nipples. *lies back down and ignores the kid*

  • Darth Pseudonym

    I mean, there’s nothing particularly wrong with what the kid did. Kids are curious about things. The mom’s overreaction is pretty insane.

  • Now I want to know what the woman was saying, sorry screaming, so loudly about nipples. “Don’t ask strangers about their nipples”? “Don’t say the word nipples!”? “NIPPLES!”

    So curious…

  • Tony Solis

    I like kids, but I hate them sometimes. They have absolutely no filter lol