Be Under-Wary

(I work at library in a small town outside of Pittsburgh. Most of the people who come in are elderly. One day a regular in his 80s walks in carrying something black in one of his hands.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I don’t want to get too personal with this, but here.” *drops black thing on my desk* “I found this outside.”

Me: “Oh, is it a T-shirt?” *grabs it but quickly realizes it is not a T-shirt but is actually a pair of men’s underwear* “Oh, my god!”

Customer: “I found it on the stairs and I don’t know if this is some kid’s idea of a funny prank.”

Me: “Why didn’t you just throw this away?”

Customer: “I thought you might want to find the owner.”

(I’m laughing to the point where I’m at tears about now and calling over to my coworker. The customer just stands there, making absolutely no expression. I honestly had no clue what this guy wanted me to do with this wet, rain-soaked underwear that was on my desk.)

Coworker: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “There’s underwear on my desk and I don’t know what to do.” *explains what just happened while the customer still stands there not making any facial expressions*

(The guy finally left to use the bathroom and my coworker picked up the underwear with a plastic bag and I scrubbed the entire desk down. After all this happened, my coworker turned to me.)

Coworker: “What if that underwear belonged to the customer and that was his way of flirting with you?”

(I’ve never been able to look at this customer again.)