Barking Mad

(An unshaven dirty-looking man carrying a large sack comes running into the main pet room.)

Man: *shouting* “It’s almost Christmas, motherf***ers! And you know what that means!”

Manager: “Uh, Jesus?”

Man: “It’s time for presents, b****!”

Manager: “Can I, uh…”

Man: “I regret that I have but one bag of bones for the puppies! I regret that I have but one bag of tuna for the kittens! I regret that I have but one life to give to these animals!”

(He drops the bag and runs out.)

Manager: “Well, the bag is full of bones and tuna, but I don’t think I can accept food like this. Please wait just a minute; I have to call my boss.”

Manager: *phone* “Yeah, hi. A crazy man just ran in with a bag of… yeah… and then he said that he regrets… oh, really? Every year? Okay, thanks.”

(He hangs up, tidies up the food, and carries it into the back room.)

Manager: “Apparently that was [local celebrity’s] nephew, and he does that every year.”