Barking About Parking

(I am picking up my girlfriend from her piano lesson. As I pull up to her piano teacher’s house, the car in the driveway next door starts reversing out into the street. Not wanting to get in the car’s way, I pull over to the side of the road and put the car in park. I text my girlfriend that I am here and sit down with the radio on, playing a game on my phone. After about a minute, I hear a knocking on my car window. I look out, and the car that pulled out before has reversed next to me, and a middle-aged woman has got out and is knocking on my window. I open the door a bit.)

Me: “Hi! What’s up?”

Woman: *screaming* “YOU CAN’T PARK HERE! THIS STREET IS NO PARKING!”

Me: *taken aback* “It’s okay; I’m just picking up my girlfriend.”

Woman: “WHICH HOUSE DOES SHE LIVE IN?”

(I point.)

Woman: “WELL, THEN, YOU SHOULD PARK IN THE DRIVEWAY!”

Me: “Okay.”

(She then jumps into her car and peels off down the street without another word. I check my phone; I have been stopped less than a minute at this point. I see that my girlfriend has texted me that she is coming out. Not thirty seconds later, the woman’s car comes tearing down the street at twice the speed limit, in reverse! She drives her car into the piano teacher’s driveway — blocking me off — leaps out of her car, runs up to the piano teacher’s door, and starts knocking furiously. Once the piano teacher opens the door, the woman starts screaming and cussing, mostly unintelligibly, about how I am parked illegally. By this time, I have pulled off the street into the only driveway available to me: the woman’s driveway. She sees me there, and her eyes almost bulge out of their sockets.)

Woman: “HE WASN’T PARKED THERE BEFORE! HE WAS PARKED ON THE STREET!”

Me: “I had to park here; you blocked off the driveway.”

Woman: “YOU CAN’T PARK ON THE STREET! YOU CAN’T PARK HERE! WHY DON’T YOU GO AWAY?!”

Me: *fed up* “You need to leave, right now, or I am going to call the police.”

(At that, she jumps back into her car and squeals off. My girlfriend and her piano teacher come out, looking shocked.)

Girlfriend: “What the heck was all that about? I couldn’t make sense of any of her screaming.”

Piano Teacher: “Yeah, she’s nuts. Luckily, she is almost never home. Plus, she always has her guests park on the street, sometimes for days at a time.”