Balls To Walls Humor

Because I grew up in a small town, our town’s library was located inside the high school for several years. This meant that not only did the library carry children’s and more casual-reading books alongside school curriculum and teen/YA books, but that the computer lab was open to the general public as well as students. Unfortunately, this also meant that teen pranks in the library affected the entire community, not just the school.

At one point during my senior year, just before the library finally got funding to build its own building, it was discovered that some joker was stealing the rubber tracking balls out of the computer mice. (This was back in the day before laser computer mice were a thing.) Because this rendered a computer mouse unusable, the principal, a man with no liking for teenagers and no sense of humor whatsoever, decided to take action.

During morning announcements, after the usual announcements of upcoming events and such, the principal took the microphone and said, in completely serious voice:

“Someone is stealing mouse balls in the library. The theft of the mouse balls is a serious matter, and will NOT be tolerated. If anyone has any information on who’s stealing the mouse balls, please report it right away. And to the rest of the student body, the mouse balls are to be LEFT ALONE…”

And that’s how the entire student body ended up on the floor, nearly peeing themselves with laughter, during morning announcements. “Mouse balls” became a running gag for the rest of the school year, even working its way into the valedictorian’s speech at graduation.

The mouse ball thief was never caught.