Bad For The Stalk-Market

| Golden, CO, USA | Working | December 2, 2013

(I am a very large guy, about 6 and a half feet tall, and around 275 lbs. I have been into body building for years. I am in college taking finals. I haven’t slept in about 60 hours, have a scraggly beard, am in old worn out clothes, and just generally look a little rough. I head to the grocery store at around 11 pm in order to find some food. I’m too worn out and don’t know what I want, so I end up just wandering around for a while. Eventually I am approached by a small, very nervous store manager.)

Manager: “S-s-sir, I am going to need you to leave.”

Me: “What? Why? I’m just trying to find some dinner.”

Manager: “No I-I-I need you to leave. You are causing a disturbance and I can not allow you to stay in the store.”

Me: “Look, man. I’ve been up for over two days straight. I just want to buy some food and go on my way.”

(The manager is now sweating profusely and is very clearly nervous.)

Manager: “This is y-y-y-your final warning, sir. Either leave voluntarily or I w-w-w-will be forced to make you leave myself.”

Me: “I don’t see that being very likely. What did I even do, anyway?”

Manager: “You have been stalking a female customer. I do not think you intend anything good.”

Me: “WHAT?! I have done nothing of the sort.”

Manager: “Yes, you have. I have the tapes to prove it.”

Me: “Show me these tapes, then.”

Manager: “Fine. Follow me.”

(He shows me the tapes. Apparently in my aimless wandering I had run into the same young woman over a half dozen times, just by chance. Given the time of night and my appearance she got nervous and had gone to the manager to kick me out!)

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