Bad Customers Strike More Than Once

(I’ve been working at the same pool as a lifeguard for four years. I am guarding our outdoor pool on a day with weird weather: sunny, 90 degrees, but then thunder crashes in the distance.)

Me: “All right, everybody please clear the pool! There’s thunder in the area!”

Woman: “Are you sure that was thunder?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am! We need to clear the pool because it’s unsafe to—”

Woman: “Yeah, yeah, how long is it going to be closed?”

Me: “30 minutes from the next time thunder sounds.”

Woman: “Fine.” *walks back to her chair*

(We open the pool in thirty minutes with no problem. Ten minutes later, thunder claps again.)

Me: “All right, everybody, please clear the pool! There’s thunder in the area!”

Woman: “How long will it be closed this time!?”

Me: “Another thirty minutes, ma’am!”

Woman: *muttering about my incapability as she walks away*

(Thirty minutes later, I open the pool, but hear thunder. But maybe this time it’s a plane? I’m not quite sure.)

Boss: *over my walkie-talkie* “Lightning strikes! Shut ‘er down.”

Me: “All right, everybody please clear the pool! There’s lightning in the area!”

Woman: “This is unbelievable! How can you not tell the difference between thunder and a plane!? You are completely r*****d! That’s obviously the Blue Angels!”

Me: “Ma’am, I know it’s frustrating, but I have to shut down the pool or run the risk of—”

Woman: “Shut up! I’ll be having a word with your manager about your laziness! Don’t want to guard your pool, is that it?!”

Me: “Ma’am, my manager is the one who told me to close the pool in the first place!”

Woman: “Liar! You just don’t want to have to be responsible for my son if something happens to him!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you have any complaint please take them inside to my manager—”

Woman: “How dare you speak to me this way, b****! I’ll get you fired! It’s the God d*** Blue Angels!”

(As she’s speaking clouds block the sun overhead and it immediately starts raining. We’re both soaked in a couple seconds. Lightning flashes, followed by thunder.)

Me: *turning away from the shocked woman* “Ladies and gentlemen, it is now unsafe to remain on the pool deck! Please exit in an orderly fashion and resume swimming indoors!”

(The woman filed a complaint. I got a small raise.)