Didn’t Hear That Through The Grapevine

(Ever since I was little, I’ve had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I was an early reader, too, and I’d started to read short novels by the age of 5 or so. I learn a lot of things from books, but sometimes I learn about subjects without a proper frame of reference to understand them, such as one time where I’d learned enough from reading to know that there was such a thing as ‘white’ wine, and ‘red’ wine, and that white wine ought to be paired with seafood and red wine with beef and such. Curious, I ask my dad:)

Me: “Daddy, what’s the difference between white wine and red wine?”

Dad: *thinking I was referring to the ingredients and not the obvious colour difference* “Well, white wine comes from green grapes, and red wine comes from red grapes”.

(Now, God knows why, my stupid child brain never realised that red wine was obviously also distinguishable from white wine because red wine was, well, red, and white wine was white. I grew up thinking that the ‘red’ and ‘white’ were sort of verbal colour codes identifying the origin of the wines, not the colour. I also rarely drink and don’t like wine, so I never really thought about it. Fast forward 17 years later. I’m married, and trying to make dinner from a recipe that asks for red wine.)

Me: *to husband* “Honey, have we got any red wine?”

Husband: “We should have some…” *grabs bottle* “Here, use this.” *begins pouring it*

Me: “But… are you sure it’s red? It needs to be red wine.” *takes the bottle and tries to look on the label to see if it says it’s made from red grapes*

Husband: “Yes… it’s red…” *eyeing me with some confusion*

Me: *still trying to read the label* “But how can you tell?”

Husband: *slowly pointing to the cup of wine he’d just poured* “It’s… red?”

(I stare at the cup, and then my jaw drops as a series of expressions must have flickered across my face in the space of three seconds – shock, understanding, embarrassment – and my husband bursts out laughing.)

Husband: “OH, MY GOD, don’t tell me…”

Me: *completely red-faced* “Shut up…”

(Yes, at the age of 22, with one of the few things I’m proud of is my nerdy general knowledge, I didn’t know that red wine was red. My husband calls me his little encyclopaedia with some missing pages.)

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