Automatic Telling On You Machine

, , , , , | Friendly | March 25, 2019

(I walk to a local chain coffee shop every day in the summer. I like to sit at the tables outside and write. One of the tables happens to be right next to an ATM for a bank. It’s a beautiful, sunny day but with a stiff breeze, so I sit next to the ATM to block the wind. I’m enjoying my iced latte and typing on my laptop when a woman parks her large, expensive SUV and comes up to me. She says something, but I have my headphones in. She stands there, so I take my headphones out to be polite.)

Woman: “Are you hacking into that ATM?”

Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Ha, yeah.”

Woman: “Are you hacking into that ATM?”

Me: *realizing she’s not joking* “Uh, no.”

Woman: “You’re stealing people’s information! You are! You’re hacking into that with your computer!”

Me: “…”

Woman: “You’re taking pictures of everyone and stealing their PINs! I’m going to report you! They’re going to arrest you!”

(She goes into the café, and when she comes out she points at me and gets back in her expensive car and drives off. Starting to become concerned, I wander in.)

Me: *to barista* “Did some whackadoo lady come in here and say I was hacking into the ATM?”

Barista: “Yeah, that lady is crazy. We told her you’re in here all the time, and she told us she wanted us to call the police because you were stealing from the ATM. I don’t know why she told us. We don’t care. We don’t own the ATM!”

(God, I love baristas.)

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