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(The academy I work in has a sponsor who also owns an obscure chain of carpet shops. One day, he decides to write an autobiography and sends 20 copies to the staff room.)

Coworker: “The note says two of them are for the library. Do the ten-year-olds really want to read them that badly?”

Me: “What are the rest for?”

Coworker: “They’re for staff members to buy.”

Me: “Wait, so, they’re not even a gift?”

Coworker: “No.”

Me: “What are we going to say when we send 18 of them back?”