Auld Lang Whine

A man tries to return a completely empty champagne bottle on New Year’s Day.

Me: “Sir, we don’t do refunds on consumed alcohol.”

Customer: “But it didn’t taste celebratory enough.”

Me: “I’m not even sure what that means, but even if I did, the bottle’s empty.”

Customer: “Yeah, well… I needed to confirm that.”

Me: “Be that as it may, I can’t process a refund.

Customer: “Ugh! You’re ruining my whole year!