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At Least You Weren’t Turned Into A Newt

, , , , , , | Legal | January 18, 2021

My fiance has just received a call from a scammer calling about “a car accident she recently had.” She doesn’t own a car or even a UK driving license, so she passes her phone to me. I resolve to waste as much of this person’s time as possible.

Scammer: “Hello, I understand you were in a car accident recently.”

Me: “Hi there. How are you?”

Scammer: “I am fine, thank you. Can you tell me when this accident happened?”

Me: “This happened on the first of January, 2020.”

Scammer: “And can you tell me what happened?”

Me: “Well, there I was, driving down runway twenty-seven left at Heathrow Airport in my Hawker Hurricane when a Boeing 747 appeared out of nowhere. So I swerved to my right onto runway twenty-seven right, only for my Avro Manchester to be run over by a Boeing 737 coming in to land.”

Scammer: “Okay, and did you suffer any injuries?”

Me: “Yes! I was killed.”

Scammer: “You were? How can you be talking to me now?”

Me: “Oh, yes, I was killed. But I got better.”

He hung up.