Assault & Batter

I’m on shift earlier than usual, covering for a coworker who can’t make it in. The lobby’s quiet except for one guy at the counter, drumming his fingers on the counter loudly. 

Customer: “Service is slow today.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. We’re down a worker this morning, so it’s just me up front.”

He sighs loudly, like I’ve ruined his week, and finally orders.

Customer: “Fine. Hash browns.” 

Me: “Those will be a few minutes. We’re also down a fryer.”

Customer: *Frowning.* “And what’s your excuse for that? Why’s everything so slow here?”

I take a deep breath.

Me: “Yesterday, a customer got angry because we charged him for extra dips. He assaulted my coworker and broke their jaw. I’m covering while they’re in the hospital.”

The guy blinks, shifts on his feet.

Customer: “That’s… that’s bad… but it still doesn’t explain why the hash browns are slow.”

Me: “After he punched my coworker, he ran to his car, came back with a hammer, and started swinging at the kitchen. He missed the staff, but he destroyed a fryer. That’s why we’re down one today.”

Silence. He just stands there, sheepish now, waiting for his hash browns.

Me: “They’ll be right out. Try not to hammer me about the wait.”