Asking The Juicy Questions

| NB, Canada | Right | July 17, 2017

(While trying to help a customer decide on a drink, she mentions that she’s on a diet because her doctor said to, and wants something healthy.)

Me: “I’d suggest getting a juice. The Tahiti Squeeze is my personal favourite. It’s got apple juice, orange juice, and strawberries.

Customer: “What do you do with it?”

Me: “We cut up apples, we cut up oranges, we juice both of those, and then we add some strawberries.”

Customer: “And then what do you do with it?”

Me: “We blend it a little bit so the strawberries aren’t whole.”

Customer: “And then what do you do with it?”

Me: “We pour it in a cup?”

Customer: “It’s not going to spill while I’m walking, will it?”

Me: “No, we put a lid on it.”

Customer: “How do I drink it?”

Me: “With a straw?”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll get that!”

(Overall her transaction took five minutes. We only have one cash, so there was quite the line up by the time she finally decided.)

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  • Fanatastic

    That’s a terrible name for that particular fruit mixture.

    • It’s a magical drink? 😉

      • Larry Berry

        I get that reference.

  • Mushroom

    Mental image of Robert Hays in “Airplane!” saying he has a drinking problem, then splashing himself in the forehead with his beverage.

    • Cerys Robinson

      *Hays.

      • Mushroom

        (corrected, thx)

        • Cerys Robinson

          I now have that scene playing on loop in my head. Pedantry has its price.

          • Mushroom

            And don’t call me Shirley.

        • Veronica Niechajczyk

          Captain Oveur:
          You ever been in a cockpit before?
          Joey:
          No sir, I’ve never been up in a plane before.
          Captain Oveur:
          You ever seen a grown man naked?

          • Mushroom

            Do you like movies about gladiators?

    • HeadlessGhostOfAbrahamLincoln
      • Mushroom

        You are the wind beneath my wings, HGoAL.

    • Macros208

      You’ve actual made me wonder if the events in Airplane were based on real life events. lol After some of the stories I’ve read on here I could almost believe it.

  • Max

    So, uh, alien from culture without beverages, or…?

    • Ophelia

      If you’ve seen Megas XLR, you’ll know that Earth beverages are famous throughout the galaxy.

      • Hahn Ackles

        I can’t possibly give you the upvotes you deserve for that Megas XLR reference. 😀

        Earth beverages are also occasionally known for their planet-saving properties, I’ve heard. 😉

  • Jon Walton

    You know that thing you use to talk? Open it up and tilt the cup into it.

    • Katrin Schirmer

      me reading this story: must….resist….urge….to… say “with your mouth”.

    • strangeangel24601

      *Customer spills drink down her shirt* YOU DIDN’T SAY WHICH SIDE TO TILT!!!

  • Kitty

    Yeah, but AFTER drinking it, what do you do THEN?
    You pee?

    • Ophelia

      “And then what?”
      “Well, if you want another one, you can come back here and buy another Tahiti Squeeze.”
      “Then what was the point of all that?”

  • Lany Chabot-Laroche

    How do I swallow it? How do I digest it? How do I eliminate it?

    • Look it up on EHow. They know everything. And there are usually pictures! 😀

  • justinagirle

    Has she never had anything to drink in her whole life?

  • Brianna

    That still sounds like a ton of sugar, especially for someone on a diet…

    • Tanith Kamelot

      Depends what kind of diet she’s trying to stick to. Sugar doesn’t necessarily have to come into it.

      • Brianna

        What type of diet would a doctor recommend that involves high sugar intake?

        • Anne

          I’m guessing that sticking to a “low fat” or “low cholesterol” diet might not involve sugar, for the most part. But I don’t think that any doctor would tell someone to completely ignore sugar intake in favor of eliminating fat/cholesterol.

          • Jayne Natalie

            Most, if not all, people needing to reduce fat or cholesterol need to include reducing sugar. And eliminating fat and cholesterol from your diet is dangerous. Where did you get your RD license?

          • Vira Vandom

            “I don’t think that any doctor would tell someone to completely ignore sugar intake in favor of eliminating fat/cholesterol.”

            Which is screwed up, because edible fats/cholesterol are good for the body. Sugar is not.

        • Joana Hill

          One that’s simply low calorie? If all the doctor wants her to do is restrict her calorie intake, she can eat or drink whatever she wants as long as it’s within the limit.

          • Jayne Natalie

            Sugar is high-calorie.

          • Joana Hill

            So is anything in excess. She could be working into being healthier, she could be splurging a bit. Or with the evidence from the story, she could be an alien from outerspace from how well she knows human bodily functions.

        • TheWonderRabbit

          A diet for someone with low blood sugar and who is dangerously underweight maybe?

    • Leah

      What alternatives do you think there are likely to be? If someone is standing there at the counter wanting a ‘healthy’ option, a juice is probably the best bet.

      Edit: I just noticed it’s a smoothie shop which means smoothies would be a good option – I was thinking of a regular cafe where alternatives might be sodas, milkshakes etc.

  • emax4

    (The next day…) “YOU DIDNT TELL ME IT WOULD TURN INTO PEE! I’M SUING YOU!!”

  • Jayne Natalie

    Juice is terrible for a diet. A huge amount of sugar.

    • Joana Hill

      Not all diets are low sugar. I’d only use something like that as a treat though.

      • Kai

        It’s true: some diets are based on empirical evidence, and some are high sugar.

        • Joana Hill

          I mean people take low sugar as “no sugar” a lot when there is a middleground. A lot of commenters also seem to be under the impression she’s on a specific diet like Atkins when it sounds more like her doctor said “you need to lose weight” maybe without giving specifics. That or she heard “blah blah blah” when the doctor gave suggestions on where to start.

    • Mushroom

      Remember that a bunch of things sound healthier than they are, or people presume ‘natural’ equates to healthier. Yes, juice has a lot of sugar but compared to a soda it may have less — and have vitamins, which the soda won’t. So it’s a small step in the right direction but the person should have asked their doctor for specifics on how to correct this rather than just “going on a diet”, whatever that may mean.

      • Larry Berry

        In addition to the vitamins that the soda doesn’t have, there is also the fiber.

        • ArchStanton75

          Which juicing removes.

      • This particular drink described in the story would have more calories than Coca-Cola, for any given cup size. Both orange juice and apple juice, with no added sweeteners, are more calorie dense than almost any soda. Unless she’s vitamin deficient, a soda would’ve been healthier.

        • justinagirle

          Soda is made with HFCS which is not healthier under any circumstance.

          • Oy vey. Whatever you say.

          • justinagirle

            It is. Do your research.

      • Vira Vandom

        A very small step.

  • Maybeth80

    That actually sounds yummy.

  • Lita

    Mmm sugar sugar and moooooore sugar. Uber healthy.

    (Yes fruits are nice but they are natural candy and just as dangerous/bad as candy if eaten or drunk in excess….like candy.)

    • JDP

      To be fair, basically anything good for you or not is bad if consumed in excess.

      • Ophelia

        Yep, people have died by drinking too much water.

    • mashava

      You are TOTALLY right. An orange is the equivalent of a candy bar, despite there literally being double the grams of sugar and a third of the fiber in a candy bar.

  • HeadlessGhostOfAbrahamLincoln

    Not knowing what you want; understandable. Not knowing how a beverage works; bizarre

  • Matt Westwood

    Customer: “How do I drink it?”

    Me: “You inject it with this syringe I’m going to give you.”

    • ArchStanton75

      Dip the end of a funnel in some extra virgin olive oil, drop your pants, bend way over…

      • Matt Westwood

        “Doctor, I took every one of those “suppositories” you gave me, and for all the good they did me I might just as well have rammed them up my arse.”

  • Abigail Hermione Irwin

    “How do you drink it? You stick your elbow in it and absorb it through your skin. No, really.”

  • Justin Salvati

    Unless someone had a speech impediment, how does this interaction take 5 minutes? If it takes that long to make the drink, that has nothing to do with the customer.

  • Veronica Niechajczyk

    Well, see, we blend it up nice and smooth, and then pour it into a bottle with a tube, and then you give yourself a nice fruity colonic. It’s a good thing.

  • Geki Gangar

    Juice isn’t healthy. Only water is. Unsweetened tea is acceptable.

  • Craig Lashbrook

    hm. isn’t five minutes sort of quick for such an interaction? Recently I waited in a line for an ice cream behind a guy who absolutely wanted his ice cream to be that flavour he had at that place in florida that time. you know the one! It took ten minutes to find out he meant chocolate, and a further five for him to work out, repeating slowly and carefully, over and over, if he wanted any syrup or toppings.

  • Denton Young

    *sigh*

    People these days have no functioning brains.

  • Vira Vandom

    “Healthy”, yet it has sugar sugar and more sugar in it.

    (Natural sugar is still just sugar, and just as unhealthy.)